No particular title please - by Oluwakemi Lijofi

HmmmI have the words I have gotten different ideas I know the structure I know exactly how I want it to flow I know the feeling I want my readers to get But,Is there a 'but'?Of course there's a 'but'. I have been unable to put my words together. It is more like they're scattered. I have been unable to make my ideas seen hence, they're still invisible. I have been unable to create the structure which I already know. I think I'm starting to flow already now that I've started putting down the words and my readers will feel something . I need to calm down. So let me just go get a cup of water. I will be right back. I am back now. I trust my two cents family to stay and not leave. Thank you for staying. ❤️ So recently, throughout the month of September I think I made just two posts here on two cents. I've been more of an engager (is the word "engager" even correct? I don't think so but I'm going to use it anyways. I believe I can create my own words) than a creator. And for some reasons I felt behind.But was i really behind? I don't think I was. At least I kept engaging in the insights of intelligent minded people (imagine a space filled with intelligent people. Well, I'm glad I found myself in such a space). September was filled with days when my head was unusually full and I couldn't dare put down a word for the fear of losing my mind. The month I walked around the hospital with my mum on different days, going from one test to another. From the complaints of ulcer to the constant tiredness, weakness and emaciation. From the X-ray tests to the blood tests. I was overwhelmed. I saw the fear that rested on my mum's look and it broke me. The concern in her voice while she tried to sound normal made me realize how much I needed to get better. And for the first time, I didn't try to argue or even say no to taking drips and injections The drips stung through and found its way into my veins. There was no going back.It kept dripping and dripping almost like forever.My body felt the change Almost went out of breath I tried not to speak because it was hard to produce words I could only give reactions Some minutes passed and I was able to breathe normally again but I wasn't completely myself. And then, somehow,My hand began to swell The pain was intense at this point but I had to hold on I couldn't afford to get pinned on another spot... I held on until it was complete and there i was with a swollen hand Then the needles came Day after day it kept coming Morning and night Till it probably felt the need to stop. After the treatments,I had expectations Then came, More weakness and a complete loss of appetiteDeep down,I was scared I got tired of bothering everyone. The slightest thought of what and how to write made my head shrinkI felt the urge of wanting to write and the confusion of not knowing how to go about it collide The feeling wasn't good at all Then I decided to stop thinking... Days passed, I didn't bother to think All I had was the hope that I'd be able to get my thoughts together again and make it visible Now, October is here It's my monthYes MY VERY OWN MONTH And I can finally say I feel really good and I'm fine...The pains are not completely gone But I can still confidently say I'm fine I will let out everything that seems to want to stay stuck in my head I will put down the words no matter how scattered they may seem I am grateful to God for life I am grateful to God for the gift of family I am grateful for the gift of two cents where I can represent me through my words I am grateful to all of those who have supported my steady growth on two cents Well, I'm just grateful for everything. Like I said, there's no particular title...It's just me putting down whatever words I had in mind at the moment of penning this down. October is mine and I'll live it to the fullest I have exams this month My target is a very solid first class So for now I'll go get my books...Thank you for your time See you in the comments ❤️

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