Not Everything Needs to Become a Lesson

Sometimes something terrible happens, and before you've even had time to process it, someone says, “At least, he has learnt his lesson.” I remember hearing those words during one of the most difficult periods my family went through. My elder brother was arrested by EFCC It happened at a time when he was preparing for an important examination. He had been going for extra lessons, trying to prepare himself properly because he wanted to do well. Then suddenly, everything changed. He was taken into custody. And because his examination was still going on, there were days when he had to be brought from custody to write his exam and then taken back again. Just imagine that. Someone who was supposed to be thinking about examination questions was instead dealing with custody, fear and uncertainty. Everything in our house changed. My parents were affected. My mother took on so much blame. My father was angry. Everyone was worried. It was one of those periods where you could feel that something had shifted in the whole house. And then someone said, “He has learnt his lesson.” I remember thinking, What lesson? What exactly are we expecting someone to learn from something like that? This was someone who had never experienced anything like it before. Someone who was not used to being away from home. Someone who suddenly found himself in a cell, surrounded by people and circumstances completely unfamiliar to him. His life had been turned upside down. And somehow, we were supposed to look at all of that and immediately find a lesson in it? Maybe there was something he eventually took away from the experience. Maybe it changed the way he saw certain things. But at that moment? I don't think he needed a lesson. I think he needed to recover. I think he needed to feel safe again. I think he needed time to process what had happened to him. Because not every painful experience immediately produces wisdom. Sometimes, it produces fear. Sometimes, it produces confusion. Sometimes, it leaves you with memories you don't even want to revisit. And sometimes, when people say “everything happens for a reason,” the person going through it doesn't need a reason. They just need someone to acknowledge that this hurts. I think we sometimes rush people through their pain because we are uncomfortable watching them suffer. We want the beautiful ending. We want the lesson. We want the growth. We want to say, “At least something good came out of it.” But what if something good hasn't come out of it yet? What if the person is still trying to breathe? What if they're still trying to understand what happened? What if all they can say is, “That was a terrible experience.” Maybe we should let them say that. Not every experience has to become a motivational story. Not every heartbreak has to make you stronger immediately. Not every disappointment has to teach you something. Not every painful season needs a beautiful explanation. Sometimes something just happens. It hurts. You survive it. And much later, perhaps, you understand something from it. But we don't have to force the lesson before the person has even had the chance to heal. Because sometimes, healing comes before understanding. And maybe that's okay. Maybe not everything needs to become a lesson. Maybe sometimes, let it just be something that hurt. I think we sometimes rush people through their pain because we are uncomfortable watching them suffer.🥹🥹

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