What if the life we are struggling so hard to build is not even the life we truly want?

Look around us. Someone is buying an expensive phone, not necessarily because the old one no longer works, but because they want to feel accepted. Someone is taking loans to organise a lavish celebration because an ordinary celebration might attract fewer compliments. Another person is silently struggling financially but continues to portray an image of comfort on social media.

This raises an uncomfortable question: Are we pursuing success, or are we simply competing to appear successful?

Today, society has created an invisible scoreboard. It measures people by the cars they drive, the clothes they wear, the schools they attend, the houses they own and the lifestyles they display online. Unfortunately, this scoreboard has gradually influenced how many people define their personal achievements.

Success, which should be a personal journey, has become a public competition.

The pressure to look successful

One of the greatest challenges of modern society is the pressure to meet expectations that we did not create for ourselves.

A young graduate may feel unsuccessful because their classmates have secured better-paying jobs. A small business owner may consider their business a failure because another entrepreneur is expanding faster. Even students sometimes measure their worth by comparing their academic achievements with those of their friends.

In Nigeria, this pressure is particularly visible in our everyday lives. The economic challenges facing many families make financial progress important, yet social expectations sometimes push people towards spending beyond their means.

Consider someone earning a modest income but feeling compelled to maintain an expensive lifestyle simply to avoid being regarded as poor. Instead of saving, investing or developing useful skills, their priority becomes maintaining appearances.

The tragedy is that people may applaud the lifestyle without understanding the financial burden behind it.

Social media: The exhibition of perfection

Social media has made comparison easier than ever before.

We see beautiful holidays, expensive purchases, successful businesses, academic achievements and seemingly perfect relationships. However, what we often see is a carefully selected portion of someone's life.

People rarely publish their disappointments, unpaid bills, failed investments, family disagreements or moments of uncertainty with the same enthusiasm they use to showcase their achievements.

Consequently, we sometimes compare our complete reality with another person's carefully edited presentation.

This creates unrealistic expectations and makes ordinary progress appear insignificant.

But should another person's achievement make us ashamed of our own journey?

I believe the answer is no.

The price we rarely discuss

The hidden price of chasing public approval is greater than financial expenditure.

It can cost us peace of mind, genuine relationships, valuable opportunities and the freedom to make decisions according to our actual needs.

Some people choose careers they dislike because society considers them prestigious. Others abandon meaningful ambitions because those ambitions do not appear financially impressive enough.

Perhaps the most painful consequence is losing the ability to recognise personal happiness without external validation.

When applause becomes our motivation, silence can begin to feel like failure.

Yet there is nothing shameful about living within your means, building slowly, learning from mistakes or celebrating achievements that nobody else notices.

Redefining what success means

Success should not have one universal measurement.

For one person, success may mean becoming a successful entrepreneur. For another, it may mean providing a stable home for their family. For a student, it may mean completing an education despite difficult circumstances. For someone else, it may simply mean becoming more responsible, knowledgeable and useful to society.

These achievements deserve recognition even when they do not attract public attention.

We must also teach younger generations that financial prosperity is valuable, but character, knowledge, integrity, responsibility and meaningful relationships are equally important.

There is nothing wrong with ambition. There is nothing wrong with wanting comfort, recognition or financial independence. The problem begins when the desire to impress others becomes more important than the desire to build a meaningful life.

A question we must answer

Imagine reaching the height of everything society considers successful, only to discover that you have spent years neglecting your happiness, relationships and personal development.

Would that truly be success?

Perhaps the greatest achievement is not having a life that attracts the admiration of everyone around us, but building one that we genuinely find meaningful.

We should not spend our entire lives trying to prove that we are successful while forgetting to experience the lives we are working so hard to build.

Let's discuss:

If nobody could see your money, possessions, achievements or lifestyle, would you still pursue the same definition of success you are pursuing today?

I genuinely want to hear different perspectives.