The Space Between - by Regina Moon

‎We often have no idea what we are doing until we stop long enough to notice what our tangled thoughts are telling us.‎‎We all have the ability to do it...oftentimes we just choose not to. If it's become a habit, we've just chosen to never pause.‎Chances are that, you'd likely not want to face the truth of why your mind is trying to tell you.‎‎Perhaps nowhere is this more complicated than in our dealings with teenagers.‎And bear with me here. Growing up should not mean pretending that thirteen, fourteen, or fifteen never happened to me. Especially when I see something of myself in a younger person.‎‎Because what would be the difference between me and the typical older people who were around me? The kind that did nothing but prove every lie my head told me?‎It is a controversial issue, and everyone seems to have a different answer.Bridget believes in respect: “My mother did not raise me like that.” Clara believes difficult situations are good for children: “You can't pamper children this way, you know.” And then there is Lawrence, who lets his thirteen-year-old walk away after an argument. We all stare at him. He simply shrugs. “They're just kids.”‎‎So where exactly is the line between “I love you” and “I hate what you're doing”? Especially living in a society that upholds respect as one of its pillar values.‎‎And no stereotype intended here. This is simply a thought process I had while watching a kid I've been patient with curled up in a corner after we yelled at each other. My sister, by the way.‎‎You are angry, she is also angry too. You feel disrespected by her retorts to you. Frustrated with the fact that she can't just accept that she's wrong. "So unreasonable",you'd say. So you let her stay quiet.And in that little or big space of time,you have no idea the things that go around in her head....‎‎"No one gets it"."I'm so misunderstood"."No one likes me. They don't care...""They'd forget me faster than they remember me"."What's there to care about anyway?""I'm better off being quiet, I will disturb no one"‎...OR is it your own fits of rage expressed outwardly? Those are no good either. You don't “take nonsense” , and so you let your anger and frustration pass messages to a brain constantly seeking negative ideals to build a web of evidence. Why does his “new character” surprise you now? You affirmed themes he has made part of his identity.It's slightly crazy… You could possibly be part of someone’s delinquency origin story."It was never my intention..." But imagine if you paused…‎Yes, you are human too. But when two people are overwhelmed, sometimes one of them has to be clear-headed enough for both.I know that's easier said than felt. It's hard, honestly —‎I can't promise I'll be constant, as constant as I wanted people to be around me then. But I want to be present....And I think that would have been enough.‎Because it's funny how we lose sight of everything a person was before they ended up curled at the corner- with no sharp tongue, rolled eyes and whatnot. Caring for that first version is easy. It's staying in the room for the second one that counts.‎"No one cares"- Be the exception ‎"I should just be quiet,no one wants me around"- Be the exception Every reaction you give is telling something. The words you say without thinking twice. The silence, bro…even the side glance. Sometimes we mean one thing and another person hears something completely different.Who can blame them? Intention is simply not enough. Oftentimes we let our reaction go faster than the reason behind it. You didn't mean for them to take it that way. You didn't mean for them to believe that about themselves.But sometimes you do so by mistake . More reason why you should care actually.‎‎Because who says it should be normal that a person comes to a point in their life that they feel alone to the point of changing themselves to accommodate lies they couldn’t help but fall into?All courtesy of someone who didn't quite learn the skill of thinking twice...It's never a parent’s intention to make their child fall harder into self hatred when they call them a failure. It's never a siblings’ intention to join the chorus of voices encouraging their younger sibling to hate the way they look. It is never anyone's intention to make someone get to a point where they feel invisible and stupid enough to consider ending their life as the only available option.That was dark…but it happens anyway.Sit with that for a second — really sit with it, before you look away from it like the rest of us usually do.Why do we shrug it off though… and call it a “teenager thing” simply because we don't like looking closely at what might have contributed to it? Stop avoiding responsibility. Parent, sibling, or a friend…whatever you are right now, if you say you love them, if you are so sure you care, let that love become something they can actually experience. Show it. Because once upon a time, you needed a hug. You believed everyone hated you, but you also wanted proof it wasn't true. And lies dressed as facts only came around when everyone decided to not be the person to be responsible for caring.And perhaps that is why empathy matters. There's a person underneath all that flaw, and that person looks who you looked like years ago. Only that no one cared to notice them.‎‎Not disputing the fact that correction and consequences are necessary. But sometimes they also need someone willing to be patient enough to help them see the line they cannot yet see for themselves.‎‎And FYI, half the time, even you don't want to see when you're wrong.Funny how that works...Staying in the room instead of walking out of it isn't comfortable. Neither is holding back the one perfect line that would win the argument and lose her. It takes immense strength to set aside some part of yourself for another person. Not because of how nice they are, but because they are simply human. Strengths,flaws, idiosyncrasy and all.‎‎Maybe that is simply the price we have to pay, being imperfect, living among other imperfect people. Learning to be empathetic. Would you be brave enough though…to see traces of these in other people around you, not just teenagers? Anyone under the power you wield in a relationship?And how willing would you be to pause there, in that space between what they're doing wrong and what they ought to do?Because the truth is that, just about everyone of us is misunderstood one way or another. ‎

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