To love is to turn back

<img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/1000890210.jpg"/>Orpheus loved Eurydice. The kind of love that made songs of ordinary things. He could make music from the quietest parts of the world. The trees leaned toward him when he played. Rivers slowed to listen. Even stones, the old stories say, were moved by his music. But Eurydice was not a song. She was the woman he came home to. The woman who knew what his hands looked like when they were not holding a lyre. The woman who laughed when he sang badly on purpose. The woman he had chosen, and who had chosen him. They got married. And on the day that should have been remembered for the beginning of their life together, Eurydice died. A serpent bit her.And just like that,she was gone. And Orpheus was devastated. He grieved the loss of his beloved. He realized that, though his music could move the world,there was one thing it could not do. It could not bring her back. So he did what no mortal had ever done.He walked into the underworld alive.Past the dead.Past the shadows.Past everything that belonged to the world of the living. He went all the way to Hades and Persephone, the rulers of the dead, and he played. He played of love and grief and the cruelty of losing someone before you were ready to lose them.And for a moment, even the underworld was moved.Hades agreed to let Eurydice return with Orpheus. But there was a condition.Orpheus had to walk ahead of her.He is not to turn around.Not until they had both reached the world of the living. So they began to walk.Orpheus first.Eurydice behind him. He could hear her footsteps.Or perhaps he could not.And that feels like the worst part. The path was dark. The world behind him was silent. He had no proof that she was still there except the promise of a god. He kept on walking.A step at a time.The entrance to the world above was getting closer. He could almost feel the warmth of the sun.Almost. And then doubt crept into his heart.What if she wasn't there?What if Hades had deceived him?What if the silence behind him meant that he had already lost her again? He turned.And for one terrible, beautiful moment, he saw her.<img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/1000890212.jpg"/>Eurydice.Alive. Reaching for him. And then she fell into the abyss and was gone.Forever.This time, he had been the one to lose her.<img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/1000890214.jpg"/> Little wonder someone might say: <blockquote>If I had been Orpheus,I wouldn't have turned back...</blockquote>I have always wondered what we are supposed to make of that moment.Was Orpheus foolish or impatient?Did he lack faith?That could be true. But I think of the people we love. The person who says they are fine, and we look at their face again because something in their voice sounded wrong.The person who says they'll be back soon,and we keep checking the door.The person we love who says, “I'm home,” and we wait until we hear the door open.The mother who has gone to bed, and we quietly open her door just to make sure she is sleeping. The person walking behind us.The person we cannot see.We turn back. Love makes us turn back.It makes us ask, Are you still here with me?It makes us look even when we have been told not to. It makes us check.It makes us doubt the silence. So no!! Don't hate Orpheus for turning back.He had already lost Eurydice once.<img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/1000890217.jpg"/> He was asked to walk away from the only person he had crossed the underworld to retrieve, trusting that she was following behind him. How long can love walk without looking? "If I were Orpheus, I wouldn't turn back." No.You are not Orpheus.And you will never be Orpheus.If you were Orpheus, perhaps you would have done more than turning back.But you are not Orpheus.We are simply people who love other people.And to love is, most times, to turn back.<img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/1000890215.jpg"/>To love is to turn back,In the midst of the gods decree.As to never turn is never to have loved at all.

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