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186
R.3.N
Student/Freelancer @ University of Benin
Student/Freelancer @ University of Benin
You’re never there, are you E&A?
<p>You are my friend.</p><p>I share my secrets with you because I trust you. I value your openness and free mindedness.</p><p>You see it differently, I’m talking and it’s bouncing off your world. </p><p>I had a difficulty making male friends, so when I met you I guess I gave you more than you could handle. </p><p>A reach into a bottomless pit that is myself. </p><p>So I understand you being overwhelmed.</p><p>I understand you getting tired, and creeped out by me. I’m too there, I’m too available. Always talking about my problems and not listening to yours.</p><p>Somehow I wanted you to stay, but every time I do I’m reminded it’s a mistake.</p><p>Am I gay for valuing my friendships? Being emotionally present and invested even when I get none?</p><p>I always wanted a brother I guess.</p><p>But I grew up alone. </p><p>And now, I keep forcing relationships with people that don’t need baggages.</p><p>I’ve come to despise myself growing up. I’d never be complete. I’d always chase all that I never had in my childhood. </p><p>Connection.</p><p>Being human.</p><p>Maybe that’s the problem, maybe I should end it instead of worrying about presentation.</p><p>You’ve always been there for me, yet I’ve hurt you time and time again. I genuinely want to die for this.</p><p>I want to sleep and never wake up.</p><p>I’ve wasted my life being a shitty person. With shitty dreams and a shitty attitude.</p><p>Now I’ve lost all that I cared for, all that I had respect for.</p><p>I’ve lost you.</p><p>My brother.</p><p>My friend.</p><p>I’ve lost a part of myself I’d never ever get back again.</p><p>I hate reality. This same one that took my father and mother. That had me grow up alone.</p><p>Or perhaps I hate myself. </p><p>All in all.</p><p><br/></p><p><em>Please be aware, everything written is purely subjective and fictional. The words were heavy. But didn’t come from a place of distance. So don’t come for me. Written for characters Ever and Abel from the Everinem series. Do check it out.</em></p>
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