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423
Á La Folie: To Insanity
<p><em>Pour toi,</em></p><p>You didn’t complete me. You started me.<br/></p><p><br/></p><p>Before you, I was nothing. Not empty…nothing. Emptiness has shape. I wasn’t even the room. I was the space before rooms were invented. </p><p><br/></p><p>And then you looked at me. And I happened.</p><p><br/></p><p>So tell me. How am I supposed to keep living now that you’ve left me?</p><p><br/></p><p>You’ve been gone for seven days. Or maybe it’s seven years. I don’t know anymore. I’ve stopped counting time. I count your hairs instead.</p><p><br/></p><p>112,047.</p><p><br/></p><p>That night you slept beside me. You murmured in your sleep. You had no idea I was cataloguing you. <em>Te garder</em>. Keeping you. Memorizing you. </p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p><p>I knew you were going to leave. People who are loved like this…the way I love you…they always leave. I’m too much. It scares them. </p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p><p>You packed your bag while I sat and watched. You yelled, "<em>Je ne peux plus respirer ici!</em>” I can’t breathe in here anymore!</p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p><p><em>C'est drôle. </em>Funny. I cannot breathe anywhere without you. </p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p><p>I’ve stopped speaking out loud since you left. Without you here to hear me, what’s the point of a voice?</p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p><p><em>Félicie</em>, I would die for you. But even worse, I would live for you. I have been. Every breath was a breath I took just to stay alive long enough to see you again. Even now. Even after you left. Every inhale is for you. Every exhale is your name. </p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p><p><em>Je ne veux plus d'air. </em>I don’t want air anymore. I want the air inside your lungs. I want to press my mouth to yours and breathe nothing but what you’ve already breathed. Let my own lungs collapse. I don’t need them. I need yours. </p><p><br/></p><p><em>Personne ne t'aimera comme ça.</em> No one will ever love you like this.</p><p><br/></p><p>They will love your laughter. I love the way you gasp when you wake from a nightmare. They will love your kindness. I love the tremor in your hands when you are afraid. They will hold you. I want to crawl inside your ribs and live there. They will miss you when you are gone. I will dig you up.</p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p><p>Let them love you gently. Let them love you safely. </p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p><p><em>Mais Félicie, je t'aimerai à la folie.</em></p><p>But <em>Félicie</em>, I will love you to insanity.</p><p><br/></p><p><em>Bonne nuit, mon amour.</em></p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p>
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