Chapters of my heart - by David Lilly-West

In almost everyone's life, their first love happens in secondary school. At that point our brains haven't even matured enough to understand what love is. But somehow, there was that one person who made your whole world feel different, even as a little child.. Chapter one: Gift I just got into JS2 after a very traumatic JS1 where I was the class dummy. And as usual, small morale entered my head because I finally had my own juniors. But one thing made JS2 fun — Gift. You were the first real female friend I ever had in ABEC. But somehow I was still the class dummy, so I didn't know how to act. The dirty-looking, immature JS2 boy who always came to class with rumpled clothes and got punished for incomplete notes finally got someone who didn't care. Or at least I thought you didn't. After weeks of passing letters around class and never getting one back, I finally got my own letter back from you. But instead of "I love you," it was "it's over." And my little heart shattered before the whole class, crying out for help. You were the beginning of this vast book I call my fragile heart Chapter two: Kamsi After the whole turmoil with Gift, I couldn't bring my little boy heart to love someone else. So I just stayed being that little boy who had no friends, the one who tried his best to find attention and just have people to talk to. Then boom, light skin Goddess Kamsi came into the picture. And even if you were in day school, damn, you made life a lot better. The only problem was I wasn't the guy anyone would want to be with at that time. I was dirty, childish, some might even say ugly, so you too didn't like me. I kept trying and trying to the point that my little heart was about to give up. Little me never gave up though, he always gave all he could. Even when there was nothing left to give anymore, he still gave it. And you still couldn't bring yourself to be with me. I was just the person you could talk to when guys messed with your head, and I was fine with that as long as I got to talk to you. And to little West, that was more than enough. Even if you didn't know, you were the second chapter of my little chapter of life. And you didn't end in secondary school. We reconnected and talked to each other for at least 2 years of my life before you disappeared again. But one thing I know for sure is my little head will always remember my darling Kamsi. Chapter Three: Mira You were the third chapter and also my call for character redevelopment, because yours shook me the most. The world just went through one of the craziest pandemics ever and during that time everyone had a massive glow up. I think I had mine too, because at the start of my SS3, for the first time I met a girl in SS1 who actually meant a lot to me. Even if you were a class away from me, you were still a really important person in my story because you made me understand fully how much I needed to change. I think it was at this point I really experienced secondary school love. There was the usual staircase meetings during break time. Sometimes we stayed with each other after classes, or I would send my tuckshop snacks over to your class and you would reciprocate the favor. But a little thing about the universe, it will test you in the worst ways possible. You had asthma so you could no longer be a boarder, so our meeting times became very, very little. But to me it didn't matter as long as we got to talk. But everything has its end and mine was already at its end. Valentine's Day was coming around and the school knew what went on, so everyone was made to stay in. And even if we were not staying in, you were a day student so I wasn't going to see you on Sunday. So our Valentine's was postponed to the next day and that day changed my perspective of Valentine's Day till today. I got the message, "West, Mira is looking for you" and oh God did I run to the place we normally met. There it was, my first ever Valentine's Day gift. And the time frame was 11:35 - 11:45. Yes, ten minutes was all it took to ruin Valentine's Day for me. I opened the bag and there it was, a Valentine's card and some cufflinks. I didn't even know what I'd do with cufflinks at that point but I had it and I was happy. And you said, "ohh there's more" jumping and smiling at how romantic you were. Only for me to open up the letter to see a break up letter inside the Valentine's gift box. And then and there I felt everything rush down my face and I broke down. My classmates laughed at me obviously, but at that point something inside me had died. Chapter Four: Grace Just entered Clifford University few weeks after my graduation from ABEC, a little taste of how life feels like as a university student whose parents were like three to four hours away from school. I think I looked better, I was more mature, I had seen life in a different perspective but one thing I know for sure, I wanted to get girls. Me and my guys take a walk outside our hostel to go meet a few girls, exchanged numbers with a few but didn't really talk to any of them after that night. But one girl stood out, she wasn't the most pretty but she appealed to my heart more than the other girls. Her name was Grace, she was dark skin, had the prettiest eyes and the sweetest soul but as Hozier said, she was too sweet for me. I was a broken little boy scared to give my all, scared to get my heart broken so I started constantly messing up thinking she would always be around, but she needed to leave to fully save herself. And as much as it hurt me, I understood why she needed to leave. You don't know the value of someone till you lose them and I did feel her absence. Her absence left a void that I tried to fill with drugs and self harm but it just made me miss her more, but it was already done and I was left to suffer in the shape of her absence.

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