HAMM - by Moonchild

I saw him as soon as I entered my room.His lips curled into a smile.That smile.The one he gives me every time.God, I wanted to hit his face. I wish I could slap some sense into him. “How are you doing today?” he whispered.I dropped my bag beside the door.“Leave me alone”He laughed softly.“You know you do not mean that.”“Get out!”“No, you do not mean it.”He sat on my bed, one leg crossed over the other.I walked past him.He followed.Of course he did.He always did.“Where are you going?”I stared at him, “Nowhere. Besides,it doesn't concern you"“You waiting for something?”I stopped. My breath hitched.He smiled again.That knowing smile.That look.He knew me too well.“You know you were here all through yesterday.”“I know.”“And you enjoy doing this to me?"“Well....not really.”“You barely let me breathe", I said eyeing him.He shrugged.“You do not want to breathe.”I turned towards him.“What is that supposed to mean?”“You know what it means.”“You made me imagine every possible thing that could go wrong.”“I was only trying to prepare you.”“That is what you always say.”“Because it is true.”“No.”I walked towards my desk.He watched me.I picked up my phone and glanced through the notifications.Nothing.I put it down.He smiled.“You see?” he said.“See what?”He laughed.I tossed the phone onto the bed.“Shut up.”"Oh dearest—"“Just shut up!!" He leaned back against my pillows, perfectly comfortable.I hated how comfortable he always was."Why are you still here? You should leave.""You know you need me""No!! I do not need you!""Yes,you do. See I keep you going—""Please shut up.""What if things go wrong?"My hands were shaking now."What if—"“SHUT UP!!!”The room went quiet.My chest hurt.“Shut up,” I whispered.My eyes burned.“Shut up, Hamm.”The tears came.“Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.”I wiped my face with the back of my hand.“Just shut up and leave.” Silence.I opened my eyes. He was gone. For the first time that day, the room belonged entirely to me. I sat on the floor for a while. Then I did everything I had wanted to do that night. I sat on my prayer mat and prayed. I ate and retired to bed.For a few hours, I forgot about him.I picked up my phone and started scrolling...Then I felt a presence around me. I looked up my window and saw him staring at me. He was looking at me blankly.Then he looked at my phone.Then at me.Then back at the phone. I sighed. "Please....don't.”He said nothing. “Hamm.....”Nothing.“Do not start.” He looked at the phone again. “Just go.....” He smiled and disappeared again. The next day, I went out with my friends. We went to a café. Then I saw him standing next to a pillar. I tried not to look at him I really did. But Hamm had never been particularly good at respecting boundaries. He stood a few feet away, smiling at me.I looked down at my food.I looked at my friends.I laughed at something I didn't even hear.I looked everywhere except at him. Then he laughed. I froze and stared directly. “Are you okay?”One of my friends was looking at me. “Y- Yess.....” I stammered. “Yes, I am.” She studied my face for another second. “Are you sure? You've been staring at that pillar for a while now.” “What?!! Really I'm okay... don't mind me." I grinned.She nodded and returned to the conversation. Hamm was still smiling.“You know you are the only one that can see me,” he said.I clenched my jaw. He looked almost pleased with himself.I ignored him.Or, at least, I tried. He appeared beside me when I checked my phone. He sat across from me when my friends started talking about tomorrow,and stared right into my soul.I gulped down a bottle of water. He followed me when we left.He stood beside me while I waited for my ride.Everywhere I went, there he was. And nobody else noticed. By the time I got home, I was already exhausted. I entered my room. Just as expected,he was already there. Of course he was."Hey there—"“Why are you here?”He looked at me.“What exactly are you? And what do you want from me?”He smirked. “You know what I want.” “I don't.” “You have known me for years.” “That is not what I am asking.” He said nothing. I stepped closer. “What do you want from me?” He looked at my phone. Then back at me. “I live in every human being.” I frowned. “Some of you simply hear me more loudly than others", he said eyeing me from head to toe. I said nothing.“I am the reason you cannot wait.”And suddenly, I understood. There is a name for people like him.Some call him anxiety.Some call him dread.The weight of an unknown tomorrow pressed into the chest of today. I guess that explains why he has always felt so heavy. His name is Hamm. And I call him by that name.

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