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Writewithoma
Fiction Author || Autofiction writer || Freelance writer || Content Creator @ National open university of Nigeria
Fiction Author || Autofiction writer || Freelance writer || Content Creator @ National open university of Nigeria
I AM TIRED OF BEING TORN
<p><br/></p><p><br/></p><p>There is a version of me</p><p>that still loves him.</p><p><br/></p><p>A version that remembers his hands,</p><p>his voice,</p><p>the softness that existed</p><p>before everything became complicated.</p><p><br/></p><p>There is another version of me</p><p>that remembers the fights,</p><p>the inconsistency,</p><p>the nights I cried,</p><p>the things I promised myself</p><p>I would never accept again.</p><p><br/></p><p>Then there is the version</p><p>everyone else knows</p><p>the one they tell to be wiser,</p><p>to walk away,</p><p>to choose better,</p><p>to stop going back</p><p>to what once broke her.</p><p><br/></p><p>And somewhere in the middle</p><p>is me.</p><p><br/></p><p>Confused.</p><p><br/></p><p>Not because I don’t know</p><p>what hurt me,</p><p>but because knowing what hurt me</p><p>doesn’t magically erase</p><p>what I still feel.</p><p><br/></p><p>Maybe I don’t even want him back.</p><p><br/></p><p>Maybe I want the man</p><p>I remember loving.</p><p><br/></p><p>Maybe I want the girl</p><p>I was before loving him</p><p>became something I had to defend.</p><p><br/></p><p>Maybe I don’t want a relationship</p><p>at all right now.</p><p><br/></p><p>Maybe I just want peace.</p><p><br/></p><p>To stop hurting.</p><p>To stop disappointing people.</p><p>To stop disappointing myself.</p><p><br/></p><p>To be allowed to want something</p><p>without everyone deciding</p><p>whether it is good for me.</p><p><br/></p><p>I don’t know what I want.</p><p><br/></p><p>And for once,</p><p>I think I’m allowed</p><p>to admit that.</p><p><br/></p><p>Because healing isn’t always</p><p>choosing the right person.</p><p><br/></p><p>Sometimes it’s sitting</p><p>in the middle of all the voices</p><p>inside your head</p><p>and finally asking</p><p><br/></p><p>what do I want?</p>
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