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I take my L
<p><em></em></p><p>I kept searching for somewhere else</p><p>to place the blame—</p><p>some crooked excuse,</p><p>some harmless lie I could live inside.</p><p>But every road curved back</p><p>to the same quiet truth</p><p>waiting in my chest.</p><p><br/></p><p>It was me.</p><p><br/></p><p>The pride I wore like armor,</p><p>sharp enough to keep you out.</p><p>The silence I renamed “space,”</p><p>like distance wasn’t just another form of leaving.</p><p>The way I measured love in portions—</p><p>careful, controlled—</p><p>while you poured yours out</p><p>like you’d never run dry.</p><p><br/></p><p>And I let you.</p><p><br/></p><p>That’s the part that stays with me—</p><p>not just what I did,</p><p>but how easily I watched you give</p><p>everything</p><p>to someone</p><p>who was already halfway gone.</p><p><br/></p><p>I regret, I don repent—</p><p>but repentance feels useless now.</p><p>No serpent to blame, no story to twist,</p><p>no night deep enough</p><p>to hide from what I know.</p><p><br/></p><p>I take my L…</p><p>and it echoes louder</p><p>in the silence you left behind.</p><p><br/></p><p>Because now I understand—</p><p>too late,</p><p>like understanding always comes.</p><p>Now that your name</p><p>doesn’t light up my phone,</p><p>now that your voice</p><p>only exists in memories I can’t touch.</p><p><br/></p><p>There’s no undoing this.</p><p>No apology soft enough</p><p>to rebuild what I made unsafe.</p><p>No version of me now</p><p>that can reach back</p><p>and hold you the way I should have then.</p><p><br/></p><p>So if loving you</p><p>means letting you go</p><p>without trying to rewrite the ending—</p><p>then I’ll stay here,</p><p>right where my choices left me.</p><p><br/></p><p>No defense.</p><p>No excuse.</p><p>No redemption arc.</p><p><br/></p><p>Just the weight.</p><p><br/></p><p>Because some losses</p><p>don’t fade…</p><p>they settle.</p><p>They become part of you—</p><p>in the way you hesitate,</p><p>in the way you love too late,</p><p>in the way you hear their name</p><p>and feel something collapse inside.</p><p><br/></p><p>I regret, I don repent…</p><p>but the truth is—</p><p>repentance wouldn’t save me anyway.</p><p><br/></p><p>You were the one thing</p><p>I should have fought for.</p><p><br/></p><p>And now…</p><p>I’m the only one left</p><p>remembering</p><p>what I destroyed.</p><p>—Inspired by Regret by BNXN & 2Baba</p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p>
I take my L
By
David Lilly-West
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David Lilly-West
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