It Was Fun While It Lasted. - by Yahweh's Delight ✨❤️‍🔥

"It was fun while it lasted," he said.I looked him straight in the eyes, trying to read any emotion on display.None."What?" I choked out, disbelief and worry etched on my face."It was fun while it lasted," he repeated."O-oh, really?" I asked, baffled by the audacity in his tone."Don't get me wrong. You're not the problem here," he stated, his hands raised as though surrendering to whatever demon had taken over him.His words stung.You're not the problem here.Meaning, Don't make this about yourself."You're not making sense to me, Martin. Make it make sense," I said, looking at him in bewilderment."Oh, stop shouting and hear me out!" he yelled.This was the first time he'd ever raised his voice at me. Or maybe that's what I kept telling myself.Last week, when we went out to eat, I kept complaining about not wanting to eat swallow. His voice rose an octave as he told me to use my own money to feed myself.Or maybe he'd only raised his voice because the restaurant was busy and noisy?Yesterday, he raised his hand, almost as though he wanted to hit me.Or maybe he'd finally spotted the socks he'd been looking for that morning, lying on top of the wardrobe?"Hope it's not what I'm thinking?" I asked him."Hope you're not calling it quits, Martin?""Tell me it's not what I think it is!" I yelled, grabbing him by his grey Harry Styles T-shirt."I'm tired of this, okay? It's just not making sense anymore. The conversations were great, the dates, the late-night calls, going to the clubs together. Even the sex was great, but..."But?""There's a but? After everything we've been through together, you allowed a but to come between us?""Am I not enough for you?""Please don't cry for me," he said, wiping away a lone tear that had escaped.I hadn't even realised I was crying."I'm not crying for you. I'm not crying because of you. I'm crying because I didn't put in enough effort for us. Maybe I should have let you go on and on when you asked for sex. Maybe I should have kept quiet in public so I wouldn't piss you off. Maybe I should have said yes when you proposed. Right?"Silence."Martin, answer me!""I swear it's none of that." His voice came out as a whisper."Then talk to me. Where did I go wrong?"The crack at the end of my voice made the tears fall faster."I promise you, it's not something you did wrong," he said.The calmness in his tone pissed me off even more.Or maybe it was the fear kicking in.Fear that I'd go back to being alone.Fear that no one would love me the way he did."If I'm not at fault, then talk to me, Martin.""Talk to me so I can fix this!""Talk to me so I can fix us!""Just talk to me!""I AM JUST YOUR IMAGINATION!" he yelled.That shut me up."Can't you see I'm not real?""I'm just something you thought about. Something that keeps popping into your head. I'm not real. So how can I love you when I'm not real? How can I love you the way humans do?"I'm only good in your imagination, your dreams, your false reality that will never come true, that has never been true."I'm just someone you created and gave a space in your little heart to love, even though I'm not real."I am not real, and you know it."So why do you keep holding on to me?" he asked.And that was when the pieces started falling into place.Why do I keep holding on to him?I created him because I needed someone to hold on to while slipping deeper into the darkness.I needed someone who'd finally treat me right.See me right.Like I meant something to them.Someone who'd see my flaws and still love me endlessly.Someone who'd love me tirelessly.That was the person I'd imagined when my imagination started running wild.Now it's all a blur.Everything was false.There was no late night calls.No kisses on the forehead.No sex.Nothing.There was nothing.All an illusion.Indeed, he was right."It was fun while it lasted," I thought as I stared at my reflection on the screen of my TV in an empty apartment.

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