LET THE SINGLES BREEEEEEEEEEF!!!!!

Somebody has to say it plainly: abeg, let the single ones breeeeeffff.Not "breathe" in the calm, meditation-app way. Breeeeeeeeeeeeeffff, the long, dramatic exhale of someone who just opened the group chat and saw sixty new messages, none of which concern them, because it's all "he said," "she said," "and then I told him," and their only contribution to the conversation is a thumbs up emoji and a silent prayer that nobody says their name next.Years back, I was with my group of friends during a music rehearsal, and one by one, their phones started ringing, partners calling, right there in real time. They all excused themselves, one after the other, and I was just sitting there, alone, waiting like a receptionist with no appointments booked. They came back smiling, blushing, giggling like teenagers, after what felt like a whole eternity of me keeping myself company. And of course, the first thing they did was remind me, with love, that I could not relate. I was, and remain, very single. 😂 Being the one single person in a friend group is its own full-time unpaid job. Everybody has "gist." Everybody has a situationship, a "we're talking," a "it's complicated," a breakup they're narrating in eleven parts across three weeks. And there you are, single as a currency note, nodding along like a UN translator for a language you don't speak.The moment you try to contribute your opinion, maybe something reasonable, like "that guy sounds stressful", someone hits you with the classic: "You won't understand, you're not in a relationship." As if being single strips you of basic human observation skills. As if you need a boyfriend to know that replying "k" to a whole paragraph is disrespectful behaviour. (Rawbish People 😂😂😂) Then there's social media, generously stepping in to make sure you never forget your status for even one scrolling session. Anniversary post here. "He surprised me at work" post there. Somebody's situationship graduated to "soft launch," then "hard launch," then full-blown group photo with matching outfits, while you're still trying to remember the last time somebody other than your mum called to check on you. And the questions never stop coming, delivered with the energy of a WAEC examiner:"So you're not seeing anyone at all?""Ah ah, why now?""Are you sure you're not too picky?""Should I ask my cousin about you?" (Please, don't.) Nobody asks these questions when you're taken. Once you're "in something," the interrogation just stops, like you graduated from a program the single ones are still enrolled in. Meanwhile the single friend is out here just trying to eat their rice in peace, not looking for a village committee to review their love life.Here's the honest part though: being single is not a disease, a phase, or a cry for help. Sometimes it's just where somebody is, building, healing, working, or simply enjoying the peace of not having anybody to explain your spending habits to. That's not "less than." That's just a season, and seasons follow their own schedule, not the group chat's.So please, on behalf of every single person tired of being everybody's group-chat comic relief: let them breeeeeffff. Let them scroll past the soft launches without a running commentary in their head. Let them exist without being asked, at every single family gathering, if "anything is happening" like they're withholding classified information. They'll get there. Or they won't. Either way, it was never anybody else's business to manage.So once again;LET THE SINGLE'S BREEEEEEEEEFFFFFF!!!!

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