My Mother Told Me to Close My Mouth - by Whispered Faith Letters

My Mother Told Me to Close My MouthShe said it in my own house, while I was telling my husband how angry I was.I was in the middle of an argument with my husband. Not a screaming one, just the kind where I was finally saying, out loud and honestly, how I felt. My mother, who was visiting, walked in and told me to close my mouth. She said I shouldn't talk while my partner is talking.I stood there, stunned. Where I come from, that sentence is a whole way of life. I just didn't know it was still being handed to me.I grew up in a house where we feared my dad. When he was in the parlor, nobody walked in. You waited, because he wanted the parlor to himself. When he was angry, he rained words down on my mother, insults one after another, and she said nothing. I mean nothing. She couldn't even defend herself. I learned very early what a quiet woman looks like, because I watched one every day.Then she came to my house, and she saw something she had no name for.She saw my husband stop what he was doing to hear from me before he decided anything. She saw all of us walk into the parlor like it belonged to everybody. She saw me talk freely to the man I'm married to. None of it sat well with her. She kept saying that whatever the man says should be what's done at home. But in my house, everything is decided together, and I'm not going back from that.After that visit, we never found our way back to each other. I'm not saying we had a loud fight. It was quieter than that. We just stopped being close.It's been over four years now.What I understand today, and didn't then, is that she wasn't only correcting me. When she told me to close my mouth, she was giving me the only rule that kept her safe in her own marriage. My voice scared her because, in her world, a woman's voice is what starts the trouble.I understand it, and I still can't live by it.You might wonder if I want to mend things. Honestly, I don't. I know how that sounds. But this distance is the first place I've ever been able to see clearly where she ends and I begin. Up close, that line blurred for years. From here, it's sharp, and I need it sharp.All my life, I wanted one thing for myself: to live differently from her. I'm proud that I have. My husband listens to me, and I can speak without feeling that my voice is a threat to my marriage. I take my health seriously, too. That pride is real, and so is what it cost me.I love my mother. I just can't be quiet the way she was. FOLLOW FOR MORE Have you ever had to break a rule you were raised on? Tell me in the comments. I read every one.

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