Solitude 

sounds close enough to solace right?

Well… maybe far from it 

Finding solace in oneself is solitude 

A moment where you feel safe alone ,where you’ve lost trust and hope in anything but yourself, you have become independent and alone, you have become your safe space 

Solitude… one step away from solitude a step closer to depression 

You hold on to people, promises, you trust them and then… they let you down 

Once ,twice, thrice. ,enough times to make you give up on them 

You decide to focus on you, be independent, you grow…

But then … you build a wall around yourself 

No one gets to you anymore 

No promises , nobody , just you 

In your happy days, you listen to music eat well and sleep 

Your sad days are spent alone on your bed cold from tears 

Your fear gnaws at your peace

You find every way to figure it out… alone

You cancel every public meeting “unnecessary “ you tag them

You stay indoors alone, public places alone just in your comfort 

You say no to love , acquaintances 

Just for your peace “you don’t want to get hurt “ you think 

But you are scared,  too scared to let go ,to trust , to love again… because you’ve been let down by a lot of people 

You call it independence but deep down the stench of fear is strong, and when the right person comes around 

You let them go because of the wall around your heart 

You don’t wanna break it down just to rebuild it

It stands strong around you as you sink in darkness 

You drown in fear , you cry in depression 

But you don’t see it coming,  you don’t see your solace becoming your prison, your hope becoming bondage and your solitude becoming depression