The Mirror I Refused - by Stella Chukwu

Lets go to the beginning.. Usually, I spend time in front of the mirror, doing nothing else order than staring at my reflection.. just admiring myself actually.. Not because I was the finest, but because I felt nice about my looks. But then, nothing really last long.. don't worry I didn't get into an accident..There was just someone that happened.. a person closer.. same living space. Always making comments, negative ones. From little comments, to massive statements, yes statements.. They seem small from the start, but repeated phrases, comments.. negative ones at that tend to dampen even a pure mind sometimes. Stuffs some people may see as passive comments might just be the little push to a wall of cards.. At first I ignored it.. But when my aim in front of the mirror changed to searching for flaws, not admiring, I couldn't just stop.. became too cautious.."Is something wrong with my appearance""did I keep a straight face for too long""does this seem too much.."It was mentally tiring actually, but I couldn't help it. Started fixing my hair every 5 mins. Checking any reflective stuff to confirm. Avoiding pictures. Comparing myself to people the said person compared me too.I was beginning to take it too serious without knowing. Got lost in my head lots of times, then decided to full-on bury myself in books.. novels.Then learnt something after over tens of books.It didn't happen in just a year or two, but it did.. And I didn't care about people's opinions anymore.. The books, the characters.. they were all more interesting than real people.Then an incident happened, found out the person I was compared to was actually negative in every aspect at that time, but I was already far from caring. My mental health wasn't so great those times before the books, but it became better.. more like the rise of a phoenix from burning flames.<img src="/media/inline_insight_image/Mirror_image.jpg"/>I felt better about myself than before.. Some stains doesn't exactly go away in an instant, but it goes either way. From treating myself how I wanted to be treated to dressing how I wanted to be addressed.. And I loved (still loving) the outcome. So, sharing this online, courage or content? Its courage.. At first, I didn't feel it necessary to think back anymore, but there's always someone willing to learn from others.. Just like me.. so I might as well share my experience. Its not just about looks anymore, but how you actually see yourself. That's what defines you in this world we live in.

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