THE THINGS WE PRETEND NOT TO WANT BECAUSE WE ARE AFRAID OF LOOKING DESPERATE.

I think a lot of us are lying.Not to other people.To ourselves.We say we don't care about relationships, but secretly wonder why nobody is pursuing us.We say marriage isn't a priority, but our hearts skip a little whenever another friend announces her engagement.We say, “I don't need a man to take care of me,” while secretly wishing someone would occasionally say, “Don't worry, I've got this.”We say money doesn't matter, but we pray for financial stability every night.We say we don't care what people think, but sometimes we check who viewed our story.And honestly ?I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting these things.I think we're just terrified of looking desperate.We have made “I don't care” a personalitySomewhere along the way, being unbothered became the ultimate flex.You mustn't look too interested.Don't text first.Don't reply too quickly.Don't admit you want a relationship.Don't say you want marriage.Don't tell a man you like him too much.Don't let people know you're excited.Don't let anyone know you care.Because apparently, the person who cares less has more power.But what happens when we're so busy trying to look unbothered that we stop being honest about what we actually want?You can become so good at saying “I don't care” that eventually even you forget that you do.Some of us want love. We just don't want anyone to know how badly.Let's be honest.There are people who would love to have someone.Someone who calls just because they miss you.Someone who remembers the little things.Someone who asks how your day went and actually listens to the answer.Someone who doesn't make you question where you stand.Someone you can build a life with.But admitting that you want this can feel like handing someone a weapon.Because what if they know you want love?What if they use it against you?What if they start giving you the bare minimum because they know you're emotionally invested?So you pretend.“I'm enjoying being single.”And maybe you are.But enjoying your single life and wanting love can exist at the same time.You don't have to hate being single to want a relationship.And then there's marriageThis one is particularly funny.A woman can say she wants to get married and immediately someone will tell her she's desperate.But if she says she doesn't want marriage, suddenly she's “strong,” “independent” and “focused on herself.”Why?Wanting marriage isn't desperation.Marrying someone simply because you're afraid of being unmarried is.There is a huge difference.You can want to become someone's wife and still refuse to become anybody's option.You can desire marriage and still say no to the wrong person.You can have standards and still have a soft heart.You can want a husband without turning every man who says “hello” into your future husband.We also pretend we don't care about moneyThis one deserves honesty too.Of course money isn't everything.But money matters.Being financially comfortable matters.Being able to afford your basic needs matters.Being able to help your family matters.Having savings matters.Being able to travel, invest, build something and handle emergencies without begging people for help matters.So why do we sometimes feel guilty for saying we want money?Maybe because we've been taught that admitting you want money makes you materialistic.But wanting a comfortable life doesn't mean you want to use people.You can want money and still have values.You can want luxury and still have character.You can want financial freedom without believing that someone's bank account determines their worth.Sometimes, we even pretend not to want attentionYou know that friend who says:“I don't even care if anyone remembers my birthday.”Then becomes suspiciously quiet when nobody posts her?Yes.Her.😂But honestly, most of us want to feel remembered.We want people to celebrate us.We want someone to notice our hard work.We want our achievements to matter to the people around us.We want to hear:“I'm proud of you.”That's not necessarily insecurity.Sometimes, being acknowledged simply feels good.But here's where it gets dangerousThere is nothing wrong with wanting something.The problem is when wanting it makes you abandon yourself.Wanting love isn't desperate.Begging someone to love you is.Wanting marriage isn't desperate.Marrying someone you know is wrong simply because you're scared of being single is.Wanting money isn't desperate.Compromising your entire identity just to access someone's money is.Wanting attention isn't desperate.Destroying your self-worth because strangers didn't validate you is.Wanting someone to choose you isn't desperate.Convincing someone who repeatedly rejects you that you're worth choosing is.There is a difference between desire and desperation.And perhaps we've confused the two for far too long.Maybe we should start saying what we actually wantMaybe it's okay to say:“I want to fall in love.”“I want to get married someday.”“I want to be financially comfortable.”“I want to be successful.”“I want to be loved properly.”“I want someone who makes an effort.”“I want to be celebrated.”“I want a beautiful life.”And maybe we shouldn't feel embarrassed about any of it.Because pretending not to want something doesn't make you stronger.Sometimes it just makes you lonely.You shouldn't have to act like you don't care just to prove that you have self-respect.You can want something deeply and still have boundaries.You can hope for something and still be patient.You can desire love and still walk away from the wrong person.You can want success and still refuse to cheat your way there.You can want a beautiful life without apologising for it.So, maybe the question isn't:“How do I stop looking desperate?”Maybe it's:“Can I be honest about what I want without losing myself trying to get it?”Because wanting more from life isn't desperation.Forgetting your worth just because you want it is.And I think there's a big difference.

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