The Man After My Heart.🥺🥰

Y'all remember this sentence from one of my pieces titled A Day in My Life?

"Don't sit on that chair, it is dusty."

It was at the Youth Centre, during the just concluded Redeemed Convention themed Mountain Movers. I attended the Youth Centre for the daily programs.

“Please, is someone sitting on that chair?” I asked the lady sitting close to the empty chairs.

“No,” she replied.

I moved to the other seat at my right hand.

Then a scent moved me to look to my side, and there he was.

It was a dream.

The type I call my type.

I'm not even exaggerating. This was the first time I was seeing my type in person. Ohhh, gosh! That was the first time my heart yearned for a complete stranger.

He was tall, light skinned. (Yes, I like light skinned guys. I don't know what you guys have against light skinned guys. 😶) He wore glasses and had these clean, well cut nails. He had this physique, the type we all call Ajebutter. Though, I never really dreamed my guy would wear glasses. I mean, I don't want a hereditary thing for my kids. 😂 But I was too moved to even think in that aspect.

And his smileeee? 🙃 (Abba, forgive me if this is definitely lusttt. 🤧😔)

He had four younger siblings and an elder one. He was acting like a dad to them. I almost mistook him for their dad, but the difference was clear.

Luckily for me, I had the chance to sit next to him. Then, unluckily for me, some God knows what plan spoiler took the seat.

Trust me, I had no intention of selling myself off. I can't do that.

But the thoughts in my head?

I nearly walked up to him to drop some silly lines he would probably find funny.

 “Can I put you on my canvas? You are making me feel like an artist?”

“Can I title my journal after you?”I nearly broke the girls' code. 😭

But guess what?

I don't even know his name till date.

Two days have passed since the convention, and I didn't get his contact. No information. Nothing at all.

Just vibes.

Just a face.

Just a smile.

Just my type.

And honestly, I actually see it as infatuation. Maybe because this was the first time I was seeing my type in person. Maybe my heart was simply surprised that someone could actually tick so many boxes at once.

But then, something else happened.

This random encounter made me think about something I have always joked about.

Marriage.

Everyone around me has been telling me they can't wait to attend my wedding. They really are desperate to see the type of man I would settle for. 

Apparently, I ask for too much.

But can you blame me?

I'm talking about the man I am going to walk the aisle with. The man whose hands I will hold after I clock 70. The man I will wake up beside, again and again, until death do us part. If I'm going to spend that much of my life with someone, why shouldn't I be intentional about who I choose?

And this stranger at the convention taught me something. I can actually marry my type. Not the unrealistic, Pinterest version of a man I've created in my head. Not just a list of attributes on paper. But a real person.

A real man who can walk into a room and, without even saying a word to me, make me realise,

Oh. So this is what I meant.

Maybe that's what amused me the most.

That the type of man everyone thinks doesn't exist actually doesss!

I had always wondered if the kind of man I imagined actually existed. And then, for a brief moment at a convention, a complete stranger sat somewhere within my line of sight and answered the question for me.

Yes. Apparently, my type exists.

I just don't know his name. 😭

Ehnnnn, back to the answer I said I finally found...

I now know the type of love I want my man to exhibit. And yes, for those of you wondering, he's the quiet type from what I envisioned.

I can cope.

I'm a noisy one anyway. Those who know me well can relate. 🙃😂 

But beyond the height, the skin tone, the glasses, the nails, the smile and the physique, I realised something.

I don't just want a man who looks like my type.

I want a man who loves like my type.

An Apostle said something that got people talking: “Don't marry someone you love, but love the person you marry.”

There was a lot of misunderstanding in the comment section, but the way I understood it was this:

Don't make marriage solely about the feeling of being in love before marriage. Because sometimes, what we call love is actually infatuation. Sometimes, we love how someone makes us feel, we love how they look, we love the idea of them, Sometimes, we even stay because we pity them.

Chaiii. 😭

But marriage needs something deeper.

When you choose someone to marry, you must also be intentional about loving, accepting, understanding and committing to that person throughout the marriage.

To understand what I mean, let me quickly run through the four types of love I know.

1. Philia

This is the love of friendship and companionship. It can be created through circumstances, shared experiences and emotional bonds. But if the only thing holding two people together is the emotion created by a particular circumstance, what happens when that circumstance changes? Some of you date someone because of pity and then marry them because, “Ah, I don't want to hurt him./her”

Chaiii. 😭

My dear, pity is not a foundation for marriage. I don't want a man who loves me because circumstances made him attached to me.

2. Eros

This one is attraction.

Looks.

Beauty.

The physical. We get moved by what we see.

I once told someone, “Don't pity date me, brooo!”

And I don't want to hear, “I love my girls slim” when your eyes are telling me something else. 😂 I won't change my body for you ooo. Don't fall for the face alone. You will have to love the person beyond the face too. Go for your chubby girls if that's what you like. 😂

I don't want my man to love me solely on this basis either. Because one day, the face will age. The body will change, And when we clock 70, what exactly will remain?

3. Storge

i. Convenant

ii. Understanding

This is companionship. A love that grows through familiarity, understanding and shared life.

And this one interests me. Because marriage is not just about having someone you are attracted to.

It is about having someone you can live with, Someone you can understand, Someone who understands you, Someone whose presence becomes home.

You don't fully build this kind of love before marriage. Some of it is discovered inside marriage, because marriage is birthed on covenant.

And this? I want a love built on this.

4. Agape

This one is different. Agape is self sacrificing love. Self denial.

A love that isn't always asking, “What do I get?” It asks, “What can I give?” And this is the one I want at the centre of my marriage.

I want a man who loves God.

A man who obeys God.

A man who submits to God.

Because if a man genuinely loves God and understands what it means to submit to Him, I believe that love will affect the way he loves me. And for me, submission should be a code of love. Because if both of us understand self denial, neither of us will be obsessed with possessing the other person. At the end of the day, we belong to God first...Not to ourselves.

And that is the kind of marriage I want.

A marriage that doesn't just look beautiful from the outside. A marriage that reveals the portrait of Heaven. A marriage where two people keep choosing God, and because they keep choosing God, they keep learning how to choose each other.

So yes...

I will name him Mr. Perfection. 😂🤍💙

If I end up with Mr. Perfection in the future, I will show him this write up and tell him, “See? I wrote about you before I even knew your name.” 😭 And I will show you all what perfection looks like.

But if I don't?

I will write another piece For My Man.

Either way, I WILL WRITE A PIECE FOR MY MAN IN THE FUTURE!!!

Maybe this stranger was only a two day crush...Maybe I will never see him again...Maybe I will never know his name.

But for those few minutes at the convention, he did something I didn't know I needed.

He reminded me that the man I have imagined in my head isn't necessarily a fantasy.

He might actually exist.

And somewhere out there, perhaps he is also living his life, completely unaware that some noisy girl at a convention has already written half a love story about him. 😂🥺

So, wherever you are, Mr. Perfection...

I hope you are becoming the man I am praying for.

Because I am becoming the woman I want him to find too... And if God permits that our paths cross again, maybe this time...

I'll finally ask your name. 😭🥺❤️

~Mr Perfection~💙🤎