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446
To love a man named "Dad."
<p>Yesterday, while some celebrated their holiday I sat numb hoping the memory would fade away.</p><p><br/></p><p>March 20, 2019. A day that takes me back to my early teens, a time not of rejoicing but of wailing. </p><p><br/></p><p>Barely had I gotten used to the sound of your voice when I realized you'd no longer be sharing it.</p><p><br/></p><p>You taught me how to be myself, and observed my distress before it progressed.</p><p><br/></p><p>Your humor and demeanor shielded me like armor.</p><p><br/></p><p>And your tender affection encompassed us like the scent of freshly baked bread.</p><p><br/></p><p>The peace I felt whenever you appeared stayed engraved in my memory.</p><p><br/></p><p>Now 20 something and struggling, not striving, I realize my memory of you is shaped by my teen mentality.</p><p><br/></p><p>You left before I could say goodbye, your image in my brain remains a very beautiful lie.</p><p><br/></p><p>Dad, how do I say goodbye to my best friend and the man I swore I'd love till I die? How do I say no to the storms and forms created in My Head by the emotion that has not yet run its course.</p><p><br/></p><p>How my heart aches when I see a girl Dad, he'd remind me of the kind I had. Your laughter, your voice, your frame, have been inherited by the boy who bears your name.</p><p><br/></p><p>Dear God, teach me how to Love again and cleanse my heart from undue pain. </p><p><br/></p><p>Dear Dad, till we meet again.</p><p><br/></p><p>Until then I will carry your name like a lantern and every March 20 I will sit with the numb, until one year the numbness softens into memory—not a lie, but a living song I can finally sing.</p>
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