Days 17-21 - by Maq

‎The first and only time I ever heard that quote was in a movie called Big Eyes. The protagonist had the habit of painting exaggerated, almost unnaturally large eyes in all her paintings. And other than the fact that the paintings looked like her daughter, this was the quote she used to explain why she did it. It's based on a true life story, by the way.‎I watched this movie many, many years ago, but the quote was so beautiful that I couldn't forget it. I always thought it was something the actual person said, or something the scriptwriter for the movie had brilliantly come up with.‎I actually had no idea it was William Shakespeare until I searched for a photo to use as the cover image for this post and Shakespeare kept coming up. I'm pretty shocked to say the least.‎Anyways, after watching that movie, I became very appreciative of people's eyes. I subconsciously started noticing them more and, right now, my eyes are probably my favourite part of myself.‎It is easy to lie with the rest of your face. You can smile when you are hurting, laugh when your heart feels heavy, tell someone you're fine and make the words sound convincing enough that they believe you. But the eyes have always seemed less willing to cooperate. They carry the things we try so hard to hide; the sadness we swallow, the exhaustion we disguise, the feelings we insist aren't there. Maybe that's why I've always loved them. They tell the truth even when the rest of us are determined to lie (unless you're just that good a liar). And lately, I've found myself wondering what mine look like now, carrying all these emotions. I wonder what someone looking closely enough would see there, quietly sitting behind the smile.....‎This post was supposed to be completely different.‎I had actually written something else.‎I'd drawn so much over the past few days that I was going to make this post about all the things I'd made. I was going to show you everything, blush over whatever lovely comments you guys left me, pretend I wasn't waiting for them, and then shamelessly buzz with pride and joy if you guys praised my drawings 😂‎But then, unfortunately, I got really disappointed about something I'd really been looking forward to.‎I'm not the type to get into the details, but it was something I genuinely wanted, and having it not work out the way I'd hoped hurt more than I'd like to admit.‎Normally, I know how this goes.‎I'd spend the next few days moping around, replaying everything in my head, or distracting myself with random things until I eventually got tired of feeling bad.‎But this time, I had things to do.‎There were signs to learn. There were drawings I wanted to attempt. Hell, I'd even started learning animation for no real reason. They were all just things I was curious about, and things I was slowly getting better at.‎And I did them.‎I honestly just wanted something to do with my hands that didn't require me to think.‎I've been thinking too much lately (‎as usual. ‎But, you know what I mean).‎I think sometimes you get to a point where you are just tired of having thoughts. Tired of analysing things, replaying things, wondering about things, trying to figure things out. I think I just wanted a few hours where my brain could shut up and i could do anything else. ‎And I did things.‎I am still disappointed, of course. It's not as though drawing suddenly fixed everything, or learning the sign for happiness suddenly made me so.‎But I could be disappointed and still enjoy parts of my day.‎I could feel bad about one thing and feel excited about another. I could have something not work out the way I'd hoped and still have other things to look forward to.‎And honestly, I'm very grateful for this little experiment of mine. Especially right now.‎I think I would have handled this disappointment a lot worse if I didn't have this.‎It goes without saying, but it's always very encouraging to read your comments, and I really do appreciate every single one. I'd still love to share all the drawings I've made and things I've been up to over the past few days at some point, but maybe another time.‎For now, though, it's very nice keeping some of them to myself and just being proud of myself, by myself.‎I think I need a little more self-praise in my life anyway 😅

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