Fear of Failure - by Chukwuka Valentine

Fear of failure and the fear of what people will think or how'd they look at you if you failed are two different things in my opinion; even though one may likely lead to the other. And it has come to my realization that what most people fear is what others will think or how they'd look at you if you fail and not actually failure. Failure as I believe, should be something private; having ambitions, plans and goals and then when it doesn't work out or when it feel like you've lost, you learn from it. You start asking yourself ‘Why did I fail?’ then you begin to go through the entire process all over again trying to figure out why you failed and how to fix it. Failure ≠ LearningMoving on……What will people think if I fail? How would they look at me if I fail? Popular Scenario; You have those ambitions and goals right? And you've been excited and loud about it and then it doesn't work out and now, all of a sudden it feels like you're not just loosing your goals but loosing your image as well. Then you start thinking ‘They’re going to laugh at me’ ‘What will I tell them?’ and slowly without realizing it we begin to cause damage and eventually destroy our own potential; we start chasing goals we're able to explain rather than goals we actually want because if you don't get to try, you don't have to fail publicly. You see, there's an important aspect of failure that isn't talked about enough and it's that; sometimes we're not afraid of failing, we're afraid of being watched while we're learning. We romanticize successful people because we only see the version of them that they want us to see, only granting us a surface leveled view of their lives. -That successful entrepreneur? We only see the company, we don't see the ideas that failed and made no money-That great public speaker? We don't see the awkward moments they've had before being this good, the times they barely even knew how to speak and the sweaty palms they get on stage.When we're ambitious, it gets intense because our future self feels so clear in our head. We can already imagine the person we're trying to become, fantasizing about the life we want to live. But when we take that step and it doesn't work out, it feels like proof that that person or that life isn't actually going to exist. I will make this point clear and say this; Failure doesn't prove that, failure only proves that one attempt didn't produce the result you wanted so you have to make another. What if people are actually judging you? Sometimes they will, that's an uncomfortable truth. Someone might laugh, yes. Someone might gossip, no denying. Someone might secretly enjoy watching you fall and you can't completely control that. Trying to get full control is like seeking validation from the same world that crucified a perfect man. So I'll hold your hand while I say this; You do not have to build your life trying to prevent people from having opinions because people will still talk if you succeed too. You really cannot satisfy people. If you make it, someone can say that you're lucky. If try doing something new, they'll say you're doing too much. You stay comfortable, you get told that you lack ambition. You become successful and they say you're arrogant. There is literally, like LITERALLY no version of your life that everyone approves.

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