FIVE STARS, ONE FUNERAL

3:31pm on a dull Saturday. The minute I've been waiting on for the past three months or so. Okay fine, it's been five days but can you blame me, I'm really excited...I'm feeling a release of butterflies in my belly now and I'm pretty sure my heart's going to explode. I should open it. No, I shouldn't. I should wait until I give it to him and he looks at me like he can never do a day without me. And he's going to tell me that I'm the best girlfriend ever and that he wants to marry me and have three kids and... Who am I fooling?<img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/1000926176.jpg"/>Dull Saturday, package arrives and for the first time since I've known myself, I'm not tearing the coverings apart like a wolf in heat.Before I continue, stay away from men please😭<img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/1000926177.jpg"/>My hard earned money, three years of my life...Wo God will punish you Olufemi.Anyway sha, I had a package waiting for me, arrived right on time, had excellent packaging, but for the first time in my life, I just hoped it was going to be a disaster. Maybe if it was really bad and I sent it to him, he'd realise it was just a description of the state of my heart.. Omoor heartbreak you do this one oo.. Only a week ago, my relationship with Femi was thriving!!! We were in such a good place...or so I thought. (What was I kuku thinking when I trusted a Yoruba man with my heart). His birthday was coming up, and I already had the perfect birthday gift planned out. I just needed 24 hours and I could withdraw my savings and place the order. It was a beautiful clipper set, paired with a four piece set of fashion glasses and a handmade card. (I should've known he would only read it to another girl. Tssk).<img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/1000926145.jpg"/>He had been complaining for a while now about how expensive it was to get a good haircut and how much money, time and disappointment it would save him if only he could do it himself. So I found the purrfect vendor on IG and placed the order to celebrate my man, my one and only sugar sugar. I am normally somewhat skeptical when patronising online stores/vendors, but this time, I could only feel the excitement of imagining his reaction when he finally received the gifts.<img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/1000926148.jpg"/>Payment was made and the delivery date was set. All I had to do now, was wait. I could do that, right. Shebi it's just to wait. I could talk about soo many things with my man, I could give him little teasers about my gift to heighten his anticipation. I would spend every second of every day with him, or talking to him, or talking about him, or even just thinking about him. If only I had read the signs, I wouldn't have been that excited. On Thursday, three days before my "boo's" birthday, just before I could bask myself in the delusional world of being married to him, he broke up with me. You know, I don't even want to go into the details of why, but the bastard broke up with me.<img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/1000926147.jpg"/>Omo I cried oo, and cried, and begged (you should have seen me) until eventually I realised how absurd it was to keep waiting for something meant for a future that had quietly vanished.<img src="/media/inline_insight_image/1000926173.jpg"/>Back to the present sha. I look at the package with an unhealthy amount of rage I never knew I could carry. I open the boxes, expecting to see absolute rubbish, praying to see absolute rubbish. And in there, the perfect gifts I had ordered for my perfect boy. I mean I had expected it to be good... I think. But how ridiculous it was now, I'm impressed by a gift I no longer know what to do with.<img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/1000926144.jpg"/>I mean, look at these things nau. The clipper set was beautiful, the glasses were giving rich husband, and the packaging? Chef's kiss. Whoever was responsible for putting this order together, God bless your ministry. You people did not come to play at all. And that was how I found myself sitting on my bed, admiring gifts I had no business admiring. I picked up the clipper set, inspected it, turned it around, inspected it again. I even checked the glasses one more time, hoping to find a reason to hate them. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. These people had done their job too damn well.<img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/1000926174.jpg"/>See ehn, I still have my reservations about online shopping. Sometimes what you order and what you receive are two different members of the same family. But this? This was exactly what I had hoped for, and that was the problem. I couldn't even console myself with the fact that I had wasted my money on rubbish. The products were good. The seller had delivered. My relationship, on the other hand, had packed its bags and left me to sort out the mess that was now me.Imagine being outperformed by a clipper vendor, but at least one of you knew how to deliver. Femi, wherever you are, I hope your head is paining you😭, and may your barber never cease to disappoint you. <img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/1000926143.jpg"/>Rubbish!!!

Other insights from Favyyy

Contributor Points

Points-to-Coupons

Referral Earning