THE COURSE I NEVER CHOSE - by 𝑫'𝒙𝑪𝑬𝑳𝑳𝑬𝑵𝑻 ™ ✍️🥇

<h3>MORE THAN MY MOMENT: EPISODE TWO</h3>I came to the University of Ilorin with a plan. The university had a different plan for me. For a long time, I struggled to accept that. When I finally arrived at the University of Ilorin, I was still trying to understand why I had been moved from Linguistics to History and International Studies. I went to the Faculty of Arts, contacted my level adviser and explained my situation. I wanted to know what had happened and whether anything could be done about it. The response I received was simple: "You are welcome to History." That was not the explanation I had been looking for. I later realised that I was not the only student who had been moved into the department, but that did not make it any easier for me to accept. I had prepared for Linguistics, imagined what I would learn and thought about how I could use it in the future. Now, I was in a department I barely understood. <h2>WHAT I THOUGHT HISTORY WAS</h2>To be honest, I did not have a good understanding of History when I entered the department. The way I saw it then, History was about stories about tortoises, snails, villages and the kinds of tales I had encountered growing up. I did not understand what studying History at university involved or what career opportunities it could offer. Some students also described the department as story-story, reinforcing the impression I already had. I wanted to leave. I thought about changing my course and finding a way back to Linguistics. But there was one person I could not stop thinking about: my mother. I remembered what it had taken for me to get to university and the money she had raised for my examinations and admission expenses. I knew how much it meant to her that I was there. Whenever she called to ask how I was doing, I told her I was fine. I did not want her to worry. The truth was that I was unhappy with the course I had found myself studying, and I had not yet discovered a reason to love it. The first weeks, my first weeks in the department did not help. As a fresher, I attended lectures because I wanted to learn what History was about and understand what was expected of me. But sometimes, lecturers did not show up, or lectures were cancelled. I remember attending classes scheduled from 10 a.m. to 12 noon, only to spend those two hours without a lecture. This happened enough to discourage me. I was already struggling to accept the course, and these experiences made it harder to develop an interest in it.Eventually, I stopped attending classes during that first semester. That was not a good decision, and I can admit that now. At the time, however, I was frustrated and disconnected. I struggled to see why I should keep investing myself in something I had never wanted to study. Then the examination timetable came out. Examinations were only three weeks away. I had no proper notes, had missed classes and was not prepared. Part of me had already given up on the semester. But when I remembered my background and everything it had taken for my mother to get me into university, I knew I could not simply throw the opportunity away. So I started reading. I spent long hours studying, including at night, trying to cover what I had missed before the examinations began. I was attempting to rescue a semester I had not prepared for properly. It was difficult, but I did what I could. When everything became more complicated. During my first-year, first-semester examinations, I became seriously ill and missed several papers. I tried to explain my situation to my lecturers, but the outcomes differed across my courses. Some failed me despite my explanation, while I was able to sit other examinations. My results were poor. I received grades including E, F and D, and my CGPA was around 2.8 as best as I can remember. I was disappointed, but I continued into 200 level. I was still trying to make sense of History, and university life was becoming about much more than lectures and examinations. I also had financial responsibilities to manage. Sometimes, the money my parents could send was around ₦5,000 in a month. I had to find ways to cover my expenses and, when I could, some school-related bills. I eventually secured work in a shop. There were times I worked in the morning to earn money for food and other needs, even when that meant missing classes. I did not want to keep asking my family for money they might not have. It was not an easy balance. I was a student trying to complete a degree while also figuring out how to meet my basic needs. I tried again. When I entered 200 level, I decided I needed to improve. I tried to attend lectures, study harder and become the kind of student I thought I should have been from the beginning. But my results continued to disappoint me. There were times I would study hard, write what I believed were good answers in an examination and expect an A or at least a B. Then I would see a C or a D. I remember receiving a D and feeling that it did not reflect the effort I had put in. When this happens repeatedly, you begin to question yourself. You wonder whether your effort is worth it and whether the results will ever reflect the work you are doing. I became discouraged. At some point, I stopped aiming for a First Class. I felt that the harder I worked, the less my work was being appreciated. I began telling myself, Whatever result they want to give me, they should give me. That was where my mind was. But something else was happening, even though I did not immediately recognise it. I was beginning to understand History. The course slowly began to make sense By the second semester of 200 level, I was reading more deeply. I was studying because I needed to pass, but the subject itself was gradually becoming clearer. I began to understand that History was not simply about memorising stories from the past. It was about examining evidence, asking questions, understanding causes and consequences, and interpreting how the past continues to influence the present. I was learning about slavery, African and European history, and the forces that shaped societies. I began to see that to understand why a country is where it is today, you cannot always ignore what happened before. History could help explain conflicts, political decisions and relationships between societies. By the end of 300 level, the course had become much more interesting to me. When events happened in different countries, I could connect them to what I had studied. I could look at developments in South Africa, for example, and think about the historical experiences that helped shape the country. The course I had once wanted to abandon was becoming something I could engage with. My academic disappointments and financial challenges did not disappear, but my perspective was changing. <h3>THE PART I WANT TO BE HONEST ABOUT</h3>I do not want to tell this story as if I handled every situation perfectly, I stopped attending classes, became discouraged and allowed disappointment to affect my motivation. There were things I could have handled differently. But I also want to be honest about the circumstances. I was adjusting to a course I had not planned to study, dealing with financial pressure and trying to recover from illness while navigating an academic environment I was still learning to understand. These things do not excuse every decision I made, but they are part of the story. A transcript cannot explain every night someone spent worrying. A grade cannot tell you how many responsibilities a student was trying to manage outside the classroom. Sometimes, while an institution is measuring your academic performance, you are also trying to figure out how to navigate life. By 300 level, I was beginning to find my footing in History. I was also discovering that my life could grow in other directions, even while my academic journey remained complicated. I was about to meet people who would influence how I saw myself and what I believed I could contribute.The story was becoming bigger than the course I had never chosen. <h3>To be continued in Episode Three: While I Was Struggling, I Was Becoming.</h3> I had entered university wanting to study Linguistics. Along the way, I began discovering lessons I had never expected to learn.

More Than My Moment

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