There's something I've always thought about, and honestly, it baffles me.

Why do some people find it so difficult to accept that another human being can consciously decide to become better without being accused of trying to form?

A person learns to speak differently, and suddenly, they're faking an accent. Someone becomes more intentional about their appearance, and they're forming. Someone starts carrying themselves with more confidence, and apparently, they've become proud.

EGBAMI. At what point did you script every human? Must everything be a performance?

Look, it's high time we understood that people have lives they're living, names they're building, and reputations they're guarding. People have personal goals, private investments, and versions of themselves they're working tirelessly to become.

Not everybody's life is a public performance designed to impress you. And if you think someone's decision to grow automatically translates to pride or pretence, then there's a little reorientation you need to do.

There was a time someone said to me, "Bridget, why are you trying to form/fake an accent? Can you not just talk normally?"

EMI KEH? Egbami.

You see, it didn't even occur to me that I was doing anything unusual. I know how much investment I've made in the way I communicate. The classes I've taken, the practices, the drills, the intentional effort, and the much more I'm still willing to do.

I know how much I want to do with speaking. I know the kind of communicator I'm working towards becoming. So, why exactly should I remain attached to one pattern of expression simply because it is the version you're familiar with?

And please, let's not even make this about impressing anybody. If you think I'm deliberately developing myself just to impress you, then I'm afraid you've overestimated your relevance in my personal development journey.

I have a life to live. I have things to become.

Now, let me lovingly correct something. Your familiarity with a person does not give you permanent ownership of their identity. That you met someone at a particular level doesn't mean they must remain there for your comfort. You are allowed to remember who they used to be, but you are not entitled to demand that they remain that person.

People change, learn, unlearn. They discover new interests, develop new skills, refine their thinking and sometimes outgrow the very things you once used to identify them.

That's very okay.

In fact, one of the most unfair things you can do to another person is to turn your memory of who they were into a limitation on who they're allowed to become.

Here's another thing: don't mistake what you cannot relate to for what cannot be genuine.

You may not understand why someone is particular about their vocabulary. You may not understand why another person invests time in learning how to dress, speak, write, lead or carry themselves differently. But your inability to understand their investment does not invalidate it. Truth is, sometimes what you call pretence is simply preparation you didn't witness. That's on period.

Of course, there's a difference between growth and arrogance. Self-development doesn't give anybody a licence to look down on others, manufacture a personality or become unnecessarily condescending. We must remain humble enough to receive correction. We must be honest enough to recognise when we're performing rather than developing.

But please, don't make people feel guilty for taking their growth seriously, and don't let the fear of being misunderstood become the reason you stop taking yourself seriously!

The world is evolving, and so are humans. Nobody should have to remain a familiar version of themselves just to make other people comfortable.

So the next time you encounter someone who seems different from the person you once knew, before calling it fake, you pause and use your head.

You don't have to understand every stage of somebody's becoming to respect it.

GROWTH ≠ PRETENCE.

Please, let's learn the difference. Before you become so busy policing someone else's evolution that you forget you have a life of your own to develop.

Toor.