BREAKING LIMITS - by Big Dee

Them say if you put your struggles for public hands, you suppose get thick skin. I have thick skin. I also have a limit where I break. And if we're being truthful, everybody has a limit. Sharing our personal struggles publicly can create real change, both for the person sharing and for those hearing their stories. It can help us put words to what we have struggled to explain and help others understand what we could not explain to them. Sharing can also push us to our limits, especially when we hope people will understand us and they don't. I know a little about this. In early 2024, my body gave way. I was in school, working three jobs and supporting at home. I kept pushing through headaches, sleepless nights and exhaustion that came too quickly. At home, I was told to pray and tagged lazy because I spoke about how I felt in my body. I don't think anyone meant to hurt me, but exhaustion can look like laziness to someone who cannot feel what you feel. When I finally broke down, a message was sent to the school. I had also informed the relevant authorities, but things weren't handled as they should have been, and I bore the consequences. I lost an academic session. This broke me completely. There were times I lashed out at people because I felt they keep misunderstanding my story, but even then, I couldn't make everyone understand what I was going through. Eventually, I stopped talking about school altogether. I was tired of explaining myself and still being misunderstood. I was so done. That period in my life taught me that speaking up does not guarantee understanding or help. You can explain what you're going through and still be judged by what people already think about you. You can share and not get the help you really need. But does that make speaking up pointless?If being misunderstood about my health could affect me this much, what happens when someone already struggling with their mental health opens up and faces the same treatment? Here in Nigeria, stigma and misconceptions remain barriers to seeking mental health support. However, speaking openly can challenge what people believe about those who struggle. It can make people question why they are quick to call someone lazy, weak or unserious when they have no idea what that person is dealing with. The country, however, has taken steps towards improving mental health care through its National Mental Health Act and policy. Yet stigma and shortages in mental health services remain challenges identified by the World Health Organization. We need more than laws and policies. We need people who understand mental health struggles and are willing to help those experiencing them. Public conversations can help people recognise these struggles and question the assumptions they have about them. But awareness alone cannot guarantee that help will be available. This is where social media comes in. It allows stories to reach people beyond our immediate circles, including those who might never otherwise hear such experiences. A story might reach someone who needs to know they are not alone, or make someone reconsider an opinion they have held for years...However, that same story can be screenshotted, stripped of context and shared with people it was never intended for. Someone may decide who you are based on what you wrote during one of the hardest periods of your life, leaving you to defend your experience against their assumptions. Which leads me to a Yoruba saying: "Ẹni tí bàtà ń ta ló mọ ibi tó ti ń ta á." The one who wears the shoe knows where it hurts most. The person living through an experience knows what it feels like. Others may listen, sympathise or try to understand, but they are not the ones carrying that particular pain. Whether advocating that comes with oversharing, or advocacy that comes with simply sharing our vulnerabilities we must think about what we are comfortable sharing and protect our boundaries as sharing what hurts us may expose us to further hurt, and we cannot always depend on others to protect us from that. We all have a breaking point, and knowing that makes us cautious of how we share and how much or even if sharing is necessary. But the responsibility does not rest on the person sharing alone. It also rests on those receiving the story. If we want people to speak up, we must examine how we respond when they do. We cannot keep encouraging people to speak if we are unwilling to consider what they need afterwards. Otherwise, what exactly are we asking them to expose themselves for? Not everyone will understand. Some people will still judge, and some will refuse to learn. We cannot guarantee that everyone will respond well, but we can choose to be intentional about how we respond when someone trusts us with their experience. So, does sharing our mental health stories publicly create real change, or do the risks outweigh the benefits? I believe it can create real change, but I also believe the risks can outweigh the benefits. Someone may find courage in our story, feel less alone or learn to understand another person's struggles better. But the person sharing may be judged, misunderstood or left without the help they hoped for. Our stories may help others, but sharing them does not guarantee that either the person telling the story or the person hearing it will get better. That means, whether I share or not getting better or worse isn't guaranteed. For this reason, I would rather keep the remote to my life under my control than hand it to people who may mishandle it. It is my pain, my experience, and I know which comments I can grow a thick skin around because they don't matter. I also know which parts of my experience, and which responses to them, could break me beyond my limits. They say if you put your struggles in the public's hands, you're supposed to have a thick skin. Perhaps. I have thick skin. I also have a limit where I break. That's why I choose whether I share, and whether I keep it to myself.

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