If Nigeria University Courses Were Human Beings

Medicine is that serious senior that never laughs. Law is that broke guy forming big grammar. If your course is not here, come and fight me in comments 😂 If you have stayed in any Nigerian university for up to one semester, you will realize that courses are not just courses. They are actually human beings walking around. They have character, they have attitude, they have pride. Let me show you. Medicine and Surgery is that senior in your area that everybody respects but nobody really wants to be close to. He wakes up by 4am to read, he is always serious, he never comes to party, and if you try to joke with him, he will look at you like you are wasting his time. He is brilliant, yes, but he has forgotten how to laugh. His whole life is textbook. You greet him good morning and he replies, do you know the human body has 206 bones. We love him but we fear him at the same time. He has been in 100 level for like six years because the course no dey finish, but his pride still high. Law will be that fine babe or that fresh guy that always wears black and white even when there is heat. He speaks grammar that nobody asked for. He will say, pursuant to section 2 subsection 3, my learned colleague, you are hereby advised to close your mouth. Meanwhile his pocket is empty and his wig is borrowed. Law students love forming big person, but inside they are reading till 2am and crying. They love argument, they can argue about who owns gala wrapper. If you have a Law friend, you already have a free lawyer that has never won any case. Engineering is that guy that is suffering but will never admit it. He is in workshop under hot sun, he has grease on his shirt, he has carry over in Thermodynamics, but if you ask him how far, he will say we move, engineering is not for the weak. Engineering is that friend that has pride inside pain. He is always tired, always busy, always complaining about lecturers, but he will still tell you that other courses are easy. He believes he is doing the hardest course in the world and honestly, he might be right. He has ruler, calculator, helmet, but he has not seen his CGPA since 200 level. Accounting is that friend that is very stingy but calculates everything. If you buy puff puff for 50 naira, he will calculate profit margin. He always asks, where is my change, even if it is 10 naira. He will tell you how to save money but he himself is broke. He is always with calculator even when he wants to add 2 plus 2. He loves Excel sheet and he loves to say, as an accountant, I cannot waste money. But borrow him 5k and you will never see it again because he will audit your friendship. Theatre Arts is that beautiful, dramatic friend that everybody thinks is not serious. She has fine clothes, fine makeup, she is always dancing or acting one video. People think she is just playing, but she is talented. She can cry in 2 seconds, she can act like your mother, she can host event. She is the life of the party but when it comes to exam, she still reads. She is the social media star, the one that all departments want for their dinner. Computer Science is that guy that once formatted his village laptop and now everybody calls him hacker. He is always with laptop, even when there is no light. He will say, I am coding, I am building an app, I am a software engineer. But if you check his screen, he is watching YouTube tutorial on how to write hello world. He always says, tech is the future, school is scam, but he is still in 300 level fighting with Java. He wants to be like Mark Zuckerberg but NEPA has not allowed him. Mass Communication is the gist master of the whole school. If you want to know who broke up, who is dating who, which lecturer is collecting money, just ask Mass Comm student. They know everything. They are always with camera, always interviewing people, always saying, can I get your opinion on this matter. They are loud, they are confident, they can talk from morning till night. They have ring light even when they have no phone. English and Literature is that quiet friend that uses words that nobody understands. You say, I am tired, he says, I am utterly enervated and experiencing profound fatigue. Oga, speak normal English. They have read all the books, they know Shakespeare, they know Wole Soyinka, but they still have no job. They will correct your grammar even when you are angry. You say, I no go come again, they will say, you mean I will not come again. Nursing is that caring mother of the school. She is always neat, always in white, always saying have you taken your drugs. She is kind, but don't provoke her, she can inject you with annoyance. She reads a lot, she does practical, she does night shift, but she still has time to take care of her friends. She is the one everybody runs to when they are sick. She is always saying, drink water, sleep early, but she herself has not slept since resumption. Pharmacy is like Medicine's younger brother that is more calm. He knows all the drugs, he knows dosage, he knows chemical formula. He is brilliant but not as proud as Medicine. He is always in lab mixing one thing. He will tell you, don't take paracetamol with coke, don't mix this with that. He is the Google of drugs. But ask him to give you free drug and he will say, go and pay in pharmacy. Architecture is that fine guy that draws a lot. He is always with drawing board, big paper, ruler. He doesn't sleep, he is always drawing house that will never be built. His assignment is always big and he carries it like masquerade. He is creative, he is fashionable, he dresses like an artist. He will draw your face for free but his own CGPA needs drawing too. Economics is that friend that knows everything about money but has no money. He will say, the inflation rate in Nigeria is 34 percent, the GDP is falling, the naira is depreciating. Bros, we know, we are feeling it. He will advise you on how to invest but his own account is empty. He loves graph and curve. Political Science is that guy that always wants to argue about government. He knows Tinubu, he knows Obi, he knows Atiku. He will say, according to Karl Marx, the state is an instrument of oppression. He can talk politics from morning till night without getting tired. He wants to be president but he cannot even win course rep election. Microbiology, Biochemistry, and all those science lab courses are those friends that are always in lab coat. They smell of chemicals, they are always doing practical, they are always looking through microscope. They say, we are scientists, we are the real scientists. They love to say, I am a microbiologist, I am a biochemist, even when they are still in 200 level. They suffer a lot but they form pride. Education courses are those patient ones. They are calm, they are understanding, they want to teach everybody. They are like secondary school teachers already. They say, I want to impact knowledge. They are kind, they help you read, they explain things. But don't annoy them, they can give you assignment to write lesson note. Sociology, Psychology, Philosophy are those deep thinkers. They always want to ask, what is life, why do humans behave like this, what is the meaning of existence. You are just trying to eat Indomie and they are asking you, do you think free will exists. They read a lot of theory and they love to psychoanalyze you. You say you are hungry and they say, your hunger is as a result of your childhood trauma. Business Administration, Banking and Finance, Marketing, Public Administration, all those management courses are the business gurus. They wear corporate wear even when they are going to buy pure water. They say, I am a businessman, I am an entrepreneur, I am CEO. They have business cards in 100 level but no business. They love to talk about profit and loss and they always want to sell you something. Agriculture is that humble friend that everybody underestimates. People think he is just farming, but he has money. He knows about poultry, fishery, crop production. He is quiet but he is making money silently. While others are forming, he is selling eggs and making profit. Don't look down on Agric. Now tell me, which course did I describe well? Which one did I miss? Mention your course in the comment and tell me if I lied. Let's see who will fight first.

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