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127
Tessy
Copywriter | poet | creative writer @ Onyibloom kid ventures as a sales representative
Copywriter | poet | creative writer @ Onyibloom kid ventures as a sales representative
Insecurity
<p>I think one of the hardest things about being insecure is how much space it takes up in your head.</p><p><br/></p><p>I can be walking somewhere and suddenly become conscious of every person looking at me. Especially when boys stare. I start wondering what they're looking at, what they're thinking, whether something about me looks strange. Sometimes nobody has even said anything, but I've already assumed the worst.</p><p><br/></p><p>I've always felt different from the girls around me. I'm tall, I'm very thin, and I have a body that doesn't always look the way I wish it did. I have curves, but somehow I still feel like something is missing from the way I'm built.</p><p><br/></p><p>I've heard people make comments about my appearance. I've been called an insect. A chicken with very thin legs. Things that were probably funny to the people saying them, but weren't funny to me.</p><p><br/></p><p>And there was a girl I used to call my friend who once told me that if she looked like me, she would kill herself.</p><p><br/></p><p>That sentence was cruel.</p><p><br/></p><p>I don't think she understood what it could do to someone who was already insecure.</p><p><br/></p><p>Sometimes I catch my reflection in a mirror, a glass door, or even a window, and I immediately start picking myself apart. I can go from feeling completely normal to suddenly wondering what's wrong with the way I look.</p><p><br/></p><p>I try to wear clothes that hide my body. I sometimes choose entering a vehicle instead of walking because I don't want to feel like I'm being watched.</p><p><br/></p><p>And the strange thing is, I don't even know if people are actually thinking the things I imagine they're thinking.</p><p><br/></p><p>But I've become so used to worrying about how I look to other people that sometimes I don't know how to simply exist without thinking about it.</p><p><br/></p><p>I know there are things about me that are beautiful.</p><p><br/></p><p>I know that.</p><p><br/></p><p>But knowing it doesn't automatically make the insecurity disappear.</p><p><br/></p><p>Sometimes I just want to walk into a room, walk down the street, look into a mirror, and not immediately start wondering what is wrong with me.</p>
24
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