THE STRANGE ONES ENTER
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From the corner, Oxymoron suddenly stood up.
“I disagree with everyone.”
The room turned.
Oxymoron was a strange character. He always seemed to be carrying two opposite ideas at the same time.
“I am the greatest,” he said.
Irony looked at him.
“That sounds like something everyone here has said.”
Oxymoron nodded.
“Correct.”
“Is that an example?”
“Yes.”
Nobody understood.
Oxymoron smiled.
“I bring opposites together.”
He raised his hand.
“Deafening silence.”
Everyone became quiet.
“Bittersweet.”
Hyperbole raised his hand.
“Isn't that just chocolate?”
“No.”
“Okay.”
“Living dead.”
“Zombie?” Onomatopoeia asked.
“Not necessarily.”
“Seriously funny.”
At that point, everybody looked at TwoCents.
TwoCents shrugged.
“I don't know why you are looking at me.”
Oxymoron continued.
“I place contradictory ideas together to create a powerful expression.”
Metaphor nodded.
“That is actually impressive.”
Oxymoron bowed.
“I know.”
Then came Apostrophe.
She walked into the room looking angry.
“Move.”
Everyone moved.
Apostrophe did not use people when she could address things that could not answer.
“O Death, where is your sting?”
The room became quiet.
“Dear Time, why do you run so fast?”
Time, somewhere outside, continued running.
“Hello, Moon! Why are you watching us?”
The moon said nothing.
Apostrophe turned to the others.
“I speak directly to absent people, dead people, animals, objects, ideas, and forces of nature.”
Hyperbole raised his hand.
“So if I say, ‘Dear NEPA, why do you hate us?’”
“That can be apostrophe.”
TwoCents nodded.
“That one is very Nigerian.”
Apostrophe smiled.
“Exactly.”
At this point, the debate had become chaotic.
Every Figure of Speech was now showing off.
Metonymy entered and said:
“The Crown has made a decision.”
Personification frowned.
“What crown?”
“The King.”
“Why didn't you say the King?”
“Because the Crown represents the authority of the King.”
Everybody became quiet.
Synecdoche then stepped forward.
“Don't forget me.”
“Who are you?” asked Hyperbole.
“I use a part to represent the whole, or the whole to represent a part.”
He pointed at a car.
“Nice wheels.”
The car had more than wheels.
He pointed at a businessman.
“We need more hands on deck.”
Nobody was looking for actual hands.
He smiled.
“That's me.”
Metonymy frowned.
“Sometimes people confuse us.”
“That's because greatness often looks similar from a distance.”
Metaphor clapped.
“That was almost my line.”
“Almost,” Synecdoche replied.
The argument grew louder.
Soon, the Figures of Speech began attacking one another.
Simile said Metaphor was too dramatic.
Metaphor said Simile was too dependent on “like.”
Hyperbole called everyone boring.
Irony said the debate was “extremely peaceful” as two people began throwing dictionaries.
Onomatopoeia shouted:
“BANG!”
Alliteration screamed:
“Stop shouting!”
Personification complained that the walls were listening.
Oxymoron said the whole argument was “organised chaos.”
And that was when the oldest resident of the House of Meaning finally entered.
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