“God, why won’t You euthanize me?”

It’s such a strange thing to pray.

To ask the One who gave you life to take it all away.

I wonder how much hurt it takes for someone to reach that place,

Where living feels like endless work and peace somewhat feels far away.

How long must someone carry pain

That they never learned to name?

How long before they stop asking to feel better

and wish to end the pain?

They don’t want to disappear…

They only want some rest,..

To wake up without feeling hurt or heaviness in their chest…..

To sit alone without the thoughts,

And to sleep without the fight,

To get through just a single day without pretending they’re alright.

But most times when  the hurt goes on too long

and nothing seems to change,

It’s hard to picture life beyond

the things that cause you pain.

And for some reason. somewhere in that endless hurt,

A thought begins to grow

“If the pain won’t let me live,

Then perhaps I have to go”

And to be honest, that is what disturbs me most

That pain can make it seem

as though the only way to find some peace is to end the one who dreams.

As though the only way to stop

The tears that fill your eyes

is not to heal the heart that hurts,

But to say the heart’s goodbyes.

But suffering and the soul that suffers are not one and the same.

The wound is not the one who bleeds… the person is not their pain.

And that leaves me with one question…

Why must the one who suffers end,

When it is the suffering that needs to end??