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Blushtales
Conference Assistant and Event Hostess @ Bingham University
Conference Assistant and Event Hostess @ Bingham University
My Phobia: GERASCOPHOBIA (The fear of growing old or aging)
<p>I don’t like the idea of getting old.</p><p>And I know how that sounds.</p><p>Yeah growing old is a blessing. Not everyone gets to experience it. There is beauty in watching yourself grow, in collecting years, in becoming wiser, in looking back at a life you were fortunate enough to live.</p><p>I know all of that.</p><p>But knowing something is beautiful doesn’t necessarily mean you want it for yourself.</p><p><br/></p><p>Sometimes, I look at older people and wonder what it feels like to know that you will never look the way you once did.</p><p>Do you ever look at an old photograph of yourself and feel a strange kind of grief?</p><p>I don’t think I’d like that feeling.</p><p>You can look at the photograph.</p><p>You can remember the day.</p><p>You can even remember how you felt when it was taken.</p><p>But you cannot return to being the person in it.</p><p>And that bothers me a lot.</p><p><br/></p><p>I don’t want to wake up one morning and realise that my youth is in the past.</p><p><br/></p><p>Nostalgia? I don’t want to feel it.</p><p>And perhaps that is a little selfish of me… but it is MY life.</p><p><br/></p><p>I cannot imagine how much of MYself I will have to surrender to get older.</p><p><br/></p><p>MY face will change.</p><p>MY body will change.</p><p>The people I love will change.<br/></p><p><br/></p><p>Some of the things I can do so effortlessly now may one day require more of an effort.</p><p><br/></p><p>How I wish I could choose to not change.</p><p>Unfortunately change is inevitable.</p><p><br/></p><p>Do you know what is worse?? Knowing I am temporary.</p><p> In fact, everything is temporary.</p><p>That thought frightens me.</p><p><br/></p><p>Because I don’t think I want to stay young simply because I want to remain beautiful.</p><p><br/></p><p>I want to stay young because I want to remain familiar to myself.</p><p>I want to recognise the person looking back at me.</p><p>I want to remember what it felt like to be this age.</p><p>I want to experience my life without constantly thinking about how quickly it is passing.</p><p><br/></p><p>The thought of aging makes me uncomfortable in a way I cannot fully explain.</p><p>Because I don’t just want to live a long life.<br/></p><p><br/></p><p>I want to enjoy my face without wondering how long it will look this way.</p><p>I don’t want to mourn my life before it is over.</p><p>I want to love my body without treating it like something I will eventually lose.</p><p><br/></p><p>I still don’t like the idea of aging.</p><p><br/></p><p>Oh how I wish time could be slower than it is now….</p>
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