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Blushtales
Conference Assistant and Event Hostess @ Bingham University
Conference Assistant and Event Hostess @ Bingham University
He Never Hit Me
<p>“He never hit me.”<br/></p><p>That is what I tell them.</p><p>I tell my mom that I bruise easily.</p><p>I tell my sister I fell on the stairs.</p><p>I tell my friends I’m too clumsy.<br/></p><p>And when they look at the purple beneath my sleeve, I smile.</p><p>“He never hit me.”</p><p>Because he didn’t.</p><p>Not really…</p><p>He was angry.</p><p>I was talking too much.</p><p>and I shouldn’t have answered back.</p><p>And he apologized afterward.</p><p>He cried.</p><p>He told me he loved me so much.</p><p>So I forgave him.</p><p><br/></p><p>He never hit me.</p><p>He just grabbed my wrist too hard.</p><p>He just shoved me once.</p><p>He just threw a glass beside my head.</p><p>He just punched the wall beside my face.</p><p><br/></p><p>He never hit me.</p><p>Not where anyone could see.</p><p>On the outside, he is wonderful.</p><p>He opens doors.</p><p>He makes people laugh.</p><p>He kisses my forehead.</p><p>Everyone… literally everyone tells me how lucky I am.</p><p>Nobody knows I can tell what kind of night it will be by the sound of his keys.</p><p>Nobody knows that I have learned how quietly I can close a door.</p><p>How softly I can breathe.</p><p>How small I can become.</p><p>I became very good at disappearing without leaving the room.</p><p><br/></p><p>And still…</p><p><br/></p><p>he never hit me.</p><p>I fell down the stairs.</p><p>I walked into the door.</p><p>I bruised easily.</p><p>I was careless.</p><p><br/></p><p>Funny how many ways a woman can fall when she is trying not to say…. a man pushed her.</p><p><br/></p><p>But tonight, I look in the mirror.</p><p>And I finally stop lying.</p><p>He hit me.</p><p>There.</p><p>He hit me.</p><p>And suddenly every accident has a name.<br/></p><p>He hit me.</p><p>And I defended him.</p><p>He hit me.</p><p>And I apologized.</p><p>He hit me.</p><p>And I waited for him to become sorry enough to forgive.</p><p><br/></p><p>He always did.</p><p><br/></p><p>That has always been the worst part.</p><p><br/></p><p>Because he was never cruel enough for long.</p><p>Just long enough.</p><p>Long enough to frighten me.</p><p>Long enough to bruise me.</p><p>Long enough to make me wonder if I deserved it.</p><p>Then he became gentle again.</p><p>And I mistook his gentleness for goodness.</p><p>I mistook an apology for change.<br/></p><p>I mistook surviving him for loving him.<br/></p><p><br/></p><p>So when someone asks me,</p><p>“Does he hurt you?”</p><p>I know the answer.</p><p>But the old answer still sits on my tongue.</p><p>“He never hit me.”</p><p>Except…</p><p>he did.</p><p>And perhaps the cruelest thing he ever did</p><p>was teach me</p><p>to call it anything else…. by renaming it.</p>
He Never Hit Me
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Blushtales
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