Dear Esther, Ask Faye

<h3>ASK FAYE</h3> Faye had always been the person people asked. That was the problem. Esther had questions. BigDan had theories. Big Dee had opinions. John had questions nobody expected. But when things got complicated, everybody somehow ended up with Faye. “Ask Faye.” That was the unofficial rule. Until today. Faye walked into the room and immediately knew something was wrong. Everyone was quiet. Too quiet. “What?” Nobody answered. She looked at Esther. Then BigDan. Then Big Dee. Then John. “What did I do?” BigDan smiled. “Nothing.” Faye narrowed her eyes. “That answer means I definitely did something.” Esther held up her phone. “Today, we ask Faye.” Faye turned around. “I’m leaving.” Big Dee blocked the door. “Sit down.” “This family is becoming toxic.” John laughed. “You taught us to ask questions.” “Yes. Not to interrogate me.” Esther smiled. “Same thing.” Faye sat down reluctantly. “Fine. Ask.” Esther didn't waste time. “Why do you always sound so certain?” Faye frowned. “I don't.” “You do.” BigDan nodded. “You really do.” Big Dee added, “Sometimes you say things with the confidence of somebody who has personally interviewed God.” Faye stared at her. “Thank you?” “That wasn't a compliment.” John leaned forward. “So how do you know when you're right?” Faye opened her mouth. Then stopped. That was the first problem. She didn't know. And for someone who was constantly giving people answers, admitting that felt uncomfortable. “Maybe I don't,” she finally said. BigDan smiled. “Welcome to the family.” Faye ignored him. “I just try to make sense of things.” Esther nodded. “But sometimes making sense of something doesn't make it true.” Silence. Faye looked at her. “Explain.” “You can understand why someone cheated and still believe cheating was wrong.” Big Dee nodded. “You can understand why somebody left and still be hurt that they left.” John added, “You can understand someone's pain without approving their behaviour.” Faye smiled. “Okay.” BigDan leaned back. “So perhaps empathy doesn't require agreement.” Faye looked at him. “Exactly.” Then Esther asked the question that changed the room. “Faye, have you ever given advice you wouldn't follow yourself?” Faye laughed. “Of course.” Big Dee nearly jumped. “Of course?” “I'm human.” BigDan shook his head. “You've been hiding that very well.” Everyone laughed. Faye smiled. “But that's the problem with advice. We often know what somebody else should do long before we know what we should do.” She paused. <blockquote>“It is easier to see somebody else's red flags when you are not emotionally attached to them.”</blockquote> John nodded. “That explains a lot.” Esther looked down. “So what do you do when you know somebody is making a mistake?” “Tell them.” “And if they don't listen?” “Let them.” Big Dee frowned. “That's hard.” “Yes.” “Why?” “Because caring about someone doesn't give you control over their decisions.” That one silenced the room. Faye continued. “You can warn someone. You can explain. You can stay available. But eventually, people have to live their own lives.” BigDan nodded. <blockquote>“Sometimes loving people means allowing them to make decisions you would never make.”</blockquote> Esther smiled. “That's a difficult one.” “Life is difficult.” Big Dee shook her head. “Please don't start sounding wise again.” Faye laughed. But John wasn't finished. “Then what's the point of advice?” Faye thought about it. “Maybe advice isn't supposed to tell people what to do.” “What is it supposed to do?” “Give them another way to see what they're already looking at.” BigDan smiled. “That might be the best thing you've said.” Faye looked at him. “You're just happy nobody is questioning you today.” “Correct.” Big Dee laughed. Esther picked up her phone. “So, Faye, after all this, what do you think makes good advice?” Faye looked around the room. “Experience.” BigDan shook his head. “Not enough.” “Why?” “Because experience can teach you wisdom, but it can also teach you bad habits.” John nodded. “Trauma can become advice if you're not careful.” Nobody laughed. Faye slowly nodded. “That is true.” Esther looked at everyone. “So maybe the real question isn't whether Faye is always right.” Big Dee smiled. “She's not.” “Thank you, Big Dee.” “You're welcome.” Esther continued. “Maybe the question is whether we're wise enough to question the advice we receive.” Faye smiled. “Now you're getting it.” BigDan stood up. “So are we done?” Faye looked at him. “No.” “Why?” “Because next episode is Big Dee.” Big Dee's smile disappeared. “Wait.” John started laughing. Esther picked up her phone. “Dear Esther, Ask Faye continues.” BigDan grinned. “Everybody gets a turn.” Faye stood up. And as they all started arguing about who was actually qualified to give advice, John quietly said: <blockquote>“Maybe the smartest person in the room isn't the one with the answers. Maybe it's the one who knows when to question them.”</blockquote> Nobody responded. For once, John had ended the argument. THE FAMILY TAKEAWAY Good advice doesn't remove your responsibility to think. Listen. Question. Consider the consequences. And remember that someone can genuinely care about you and still be wrong about what you should do. Advice is a flashlight. It can help you see. <blockquote>You still have to choose where to walk.</blockquote>

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