The Perfect Accident: Chapter Four

I didn't know how long I stood there with the container in my hand. My first thought was that there had to be an explanation. Maybe Amir had bought the wrong thing by mistake. Maybe the container had belonged to someone else and he had forgotten it there. I tried to convince myself of anything that didn't involve what was already going through my mind.I put the container back in the wardrobe and walked out of the room. I went to the kitchen, poured myself a glass of water and sat down at the dining table. My hands were still shaking. I kept thinking about the tablets Amir had bought for me, the ones I had been taking every morning because he told me they were supplements.I got up again and went back to the bedroom. I opened my drawer and brought out the container he had given me. I placed both containers beside each other on the bed. They looked almost identical. I opened mine and took out one tablet, then opened the other one. The tablets looked the same.“Ya Allah,” I whispered.I didn't know what to do. I wanted to call Amir immediately, but something stopped me. I knew if I called him, I would ask him what they were, and if he lied to me, I might not know.So I waited.He came home around seven that evening. I was sitting in the living room when I heard the door open.“Nimmat?”I didn't answer.He walked in and looked at me. “What's wrong?”“Nothing.”He put his keys down. “You're quiet.”“I'm fine.”He came closer. “Are you sure?”I looked at him. “Amir, where did you get the supplements you gave me?”He paused. “The supplements?”“Yes.”“What about them?”“Where did you buy them?”He stared at me for a moment. “Why are you asking?”“I just want to know.”He shrugged. “At a pharmacy.”“Which pharmacy?”“Nimmat, I don't remember.”I nodded slowly. “Okay.”He looked at me again. “Why?”“Nothing.”He came closer and touched my shoulder. “You're behaving strangely.”“I said I'm fine.”He didn't say anything else.That night, I didn't tell him about the other container. I couldn't explain why. Maybe I was afraid. Maybe I wanted to be sure first.The next morning, I didn't take the tablet. I kept it in my hand for a while before putting it back. Amir noticed.“You haven't taken your supplement.”“I'll take it later.”“Why?”“I'm not in the mood.”He looked at me. “It's just a supplement, Nimmat.”“I know.”He nodded and left the room. I watched him go. Something about his reaction bothered me.Later that afternoon, I went to the pharmacy near our house with the container I had found in his wardrobe. I showed it to the woman behind the counter.“Excuse me, please. I want to ask about this.”She took it from me and looked at the label.“It's a contraceptive.”I felt my stomach drop. “Are you sure?”She looked at me. “Yes. Birth control pills.”I swallowed. “What are they used for?”She explained it to me, and I listened without saying much. When I left the pharmacy, I sat in my car for several minutes before starting the engine. I kept thinking about Amir. Why would my husband have a container of birth control pills in his wardrobe when the tablets inside looked exactly like the ones he had given me?I drove home without knowing what I was going to do.When Amir came back that evening, I was waiting for him. He walked into the house and stopped when he saw me.“Nimmat?”I held up the container. “What is this?”He looked at it. For the first time since I had known him, I saw him struggle to find an answer.“Where did you get that?”“From your wardrobe.”He looked away.“I thought you said they were supplements.”“Nimmat—”“Why were you giving me birth control pills?”He sat down. “It's not what you think.”I laughed. “Then tell me what it is.”He rubbed his face. “I didn't want you to get pregnant yet.”I stared at him. “Why?”“We're not ready.”“You could have told me that.”“I knew you'd overreact.”“So you decided to lie to me?”He didn't answer.I stood there looking at him. “When did you buy them?”He looked down. “A few days ago.”I frowned. “So you knew what they were?”He was quiet.“You knew?”“I knew they were to prevent pregnancy.”I felt tears building in my eyes. “And you still called them supplements?”“I didn't think it was a big deal.”I shook my head. “You didn't think it was a big deal?”“Nimmat, I wasn't trying to hurt you.”“But you lied to me.”He stood up. “I'm sorry.”I stepped back. “Don't.”“Nimmat—”“Don't say you're sorry.”He stopped.I wiped my face. “I need some time.”I walked into the bedroom and closed the door behind me.I didn't sleep much that night.The next morning, I called my mother.“Assalamu alaikum, Mama.”“Wa alaikum salam. Nimmat, lafiya?”“Lafiya.”She was quiet for a moment. “Me ya faru?”“Nothing.”“Nimmat.”I closed my eyes. “Mama, can I come and see you?”“Of course. Me yasa? What's wrong?”“I just want to see you.”“Okay. Come.”I didn't tell her anything over the phone.I went to her house later that afternoon. She took one look at my face and knew something was wrong.“Come and sit down.”I sat beside her.“Nimmat, tell me.”I looked at her. “Amir has been giving me birth control pills.”Her expression changed. “What?”“He said they were supplements.”“Why?”“He said he doesn't want a child yet.”My mother was quiet. Then she asked, “Are you sure they are birth control pills?”“Yes.”“Kin tambaye shi?”“Yes.”“What did he say?”“That he doesn't want me to get pregnant.”She sighed. “Maybe he is not ready.”“Mama, he could have told me.”“That's true.”I looked down at my hands. “I don't understand him anymore.”My mother reached for my hand. “Ki yi hakuri. Don't make a decision while you're angry.”I nodded. “I won't.”I stayed with her for a few hours before going home.When I got back, Amir wasn't there. I went upstairs to change, but instead of going straight to the bedroom, I remembered some documents Amir had asked me about earlier in the week. I went into his office to look for them.His desk was covered with papers, folders and receipts. I started going through them, moving some aside until I found the documents I was looking for.As I gathered them together, one medical document slipped out from between the papers.I picked it up without thinking.Then I saw the name.Mariam.I stopped.I read it again.Mariam.My hands went cold.I looked at the date. It was recent.I kept reading, trying to understand what I was looking at.Then I saw the words at the bottom.Antenatal appointment.I sat down slowly in Amir's chair.Mariam was pregnant????

The Perfect Accident

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