Dear Esther, Ask Faye - EP. 2

<h3>ESTHER HAS QUESTIONS</h3> Esther made one mistake. She enjoyed watching BigDan suffer. After last night Episode, she had gone to bed feeling victorious. She had questioned his old TwoCents wisdom, exposed a few holes in his arguments and watched Faye, Big Dee and John take turns making his life uncomfortable. She forgot one important rule. In this family, nobody stays innocent for long. “Esther.” She looked up. Faye was standing at the door. “Yes?” “Sit down.” “Why?” Big Dee walked in behind her. “Because today, you are the episode.” Esther looked at John. John shrugged. “I tried to warn you.” Then BigDan entered. Smiling. Esther narrowed her eyes. “You look happy.” “I am.” “Why?” “Justice.” “Don't use that word.” “Why?” “Because you don't know what it means.” BigDan sat down. Faye opened her phone. “Question one.” Esther sighed. “Go ahead.” “Why do you always tell people to leave relationships you would probably stay in?” Esther frowned. “That is not true.” Big Dee immediately laughed. “It is extremely true.” “I give advice based on what I see.” BigDan leaned forward. “And that's exactly the problem.” “What problem?” “You see one chapter and start reviewing the whole book.” Silence. Esther stared at him. John nodded slowly. “That one is good.” BigDan smiled. “Thank you.” “Don't encourage him,” Faye said. Esther folded her arms. “Fine. What would you rather I do?” “Ask questions before giving answers.” Faye nodded. “Because sometimes people don't need instructions. They need somebody to help them see clearly.” Esther looked away. Big Dee smiled. “She knows we're right.” “I don't.” “You're looking away.” “I am looking away because your face is irritating.” John laughed. “That's definitely Esther.” Faye continued. “Question two. Why do you believe forgiveness always means letting people back in?” “I don't.” “You say it often.” “Forgiving somebody doesn't mean you have to trust them again.” BigDan nodded. “Now we're talking.” Esther continued. “You can forgive someone and still keep the door closed.” Faye smiled. <blockquote>“Forgiveness can release you without restoring access.”</blockquote> Everybody went quiet. Big Dee pointed at Faye. “Write that down.” John nodded. “That one is going somewhere.” BigDan looked impressed. “Faye has been waiting for her episode.” “It's not my episode yet.” “Give it time.” Esther smiled. Then John asked his question. “Why do people find it easier to forgive someone else than themselves?” The room changed. Esther looked at him. “What does that have to do with me?” “Everything.” She didn't answer. BigDan didn't joke. Neither did Big Dee. Faye waited. Finally Esther said, “Because when somebody hurts you, you can blame them.” “And when you hurt yourself?” “You have nobody to blame.” John nodded. “Exactly.” Esther sighed. “Sometimes I know I made the wrong decision. I just don't know how to stop replaying it.” BigDan leaned back. “That is why people need to be careful with regret.” Esther looked at him. “Why?” <blockquote>“Regret is useful as a teacher. It becomes dangerous when you make it your permanent address.”</blockquote> Nobody spoke for a moment. Big Dee broke the silence. “Okay, BigDan. You can leave now.” “Why?” “Because you have said something sensible. Don't spoil it.” Everyone laughed. Esther finally smiled. “So what is this episode supposed to teach?” Faye answered. “That asking questions doesn't automatically make you wise.” BigDan added, “Sometimes the person asking the question needs to hear the answer too.” Esther nodded. Maybe that was the real problem. It was easy to analyse somebody else's life from the outside. Easy to say, “Leave.” Easy to say, “Forgive.” Easy to say, “Move on.” Harder to admit that people are complicated. Harder to accept that sometimes the person you are advising doesn't need your certainty. They need your patience. Esther picked up her phone. “So who is next?” BigDan smiled. “Faye.” Faye immediately shook her head. “No.” Big Dee grinned. “Yes.” John stood up. “Finally.” Faye looked around the room. “You people are wicked.” BigDan smiled. “No.” He pointed at Esther. “We are just following the family tradition.” “What tradition?” He smiled. <blockquote>“Nobody gets to interrogate the family forever without eventually becoming the suspect.”</blockquote> Esther laughed. Faye sighed. And somewhere in the middle of all the noise, John quietly said: “Next episode should be interesting.” It was. Because Faye had been listening to everybody. Now everybody was ready to listen to Faye. THE FAMILY TAKEAWAY Ask questions, but don't confuse questioning with understanding. Sometimes people need advice. Sometimes they need space. And sometimes the person asking for answers is really asking for permission to forgive themselves. Most importantly, forgiveness does not automatically mean reconciliation. You can release someone without giving them the key to your house.

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